The Shield copter hovered in the air above Rikers for a moment. Spider-Man was seemingly thrown out first with Black Cat jumping off after him. Spider made a webby parachute for the two of them. Black Widow and Taskmaster leaped out gliding through the air. Then Iron Man carried Punisher and Daredevil down while Strange floated down with his cape. Finally, the helicopter started to simply circle the island, getting closer to the ground.
As they came down, the Iron Man suit blasted “Any Means Necessary” by Hammerfall. Tony Stark was now in his Mark IV armor as the III took too much damage. The IV has more edges to it with blades on the arms and legs for cutting. It also adds boosters on the back of the legs, arms, and on the backside to help with general agility. Lastly, The shoulder pads and even chest piece has sharp corners making all of this an attempt to imitate the Shredder. The Mark III armor fell out of the helicopter dropping like a rock somewhere on the island.
In his battle outfit, Strange wore a colorful costume. First a blue long sleeved tunic with a white bird symbol on the chest and orange stars dotted throughout. His pants were a dark purple, he wore green loafers on his feet, and on top of all this was his flowing red cape with golden edges. Around his neck, he wore an amulet, the Eye of Agamotto, which allows him to use psychic abilities magicians usually can’t use.
“Boom, we made it,” Spider said landing.
“Aw crud, the kid’s here,” Wolverine complained.
“What is this meetup?” Taskmaster wondered.
“Jinkies, weesa in big trouble now,” Deadpool exclaimed.
The others landed next to Spider. Now each of the groups stood on a rocky hill. Iron Man scanned the five snakes instantly, “hey what are you people doing here? Sweet motif, very 80’s.” Then his face mask raised showing his beauty.
“We were hiding,” Viper answered, “we’re the Serpent Society. We were gonna like infiltrate the American government starting today but those idiots ruined it.”
“Oi, which idiots is she talking about?” Psylocke asked.
When Hellcat landed, she was taken in a rush by Quicksilver. He took her to a corner of the island behind a wall. He stared at her for a moment while she was in his arms. “…what are you doing? Pietro…”
“UH Jarvis, search,” Stark commended.
“She’s northwest of us, by the water. He isn’t doing anything,” Daredevil told him.
“And she’s on our side?” Stark asked. Daredevil nodded.
“Wait, you were the guy with the industrial rope. Crazy to catch you here, since I never arrested you,” Spider said to Constrictor. He shrugged.
Cottonmouth said after licking his lips, “listen, y’all only have beef with Deadpool’s team so leave us alone. We ain’t commit no crimes. Yet.”
“Do you want us to give you a chance?” asked Nat
“I mean it’s not going to be that hard to find them again,” Stark said.
“Oi, Deadpool’s team?? We ain’t Deadpool’s team, he isn’t any kind of leader,” Psylocke said and DP nodded in agreement. Bullseye groaned and then noticed something in the duffle bag. He took it out.
Spider asked, “True, hey Wolverine, what are you doing with the killers?”
“Jeez kid, obviously I’m killing.
“Why-”
“And don’t ask why, we are simply paid to do so.”
“By who-”
“And don’t ask who, our boss is only known to us.”
“Yeah and us,” Taskmaster corrected.
“Jeez, bub, you’re so-”
“You talk too much kid. I don’t want to hear you at all today.” Wolverine turned around and told his team, “I’ll kill anyone but him. You guys are on Webhead duty.”
“And we’ll kill the Snakes for fun,” Namor said. They agreed.
“WHAT THE HELL?” Viper screamed.
“Hey keep talking Webhead, in fact, you aren’t talking enough,” Frank said. “You aren’t in Toronto. Out here, you’re the best. He’s just too bloodthirsty to know shit. Ask him about how they met.”
“Uh wow, encouragement from the lord of homicide. Hey Wolverine, how-”
“I heard your senior, kid. We all met because of our boss. If you’re wondering about Bullseye, that’s a Deadpool sidestory.”
“True, I have not spoken in too long. He kind of just approached me by slinging a truck at me. You know he was just sitting in Harlem? If he’s so dangerous, you guys should have a team on him, not us!”
“Okay so we’ll improve!…Wait that wasn’t an insult,” Spider realized.
“Dummy,” Felicia muttered.
“Oh shit! Dem’s the Shield agents you fought, innit?” Psylocke asked Wolverine. He nodded. She then read Taskmaster’s mind, “that wanker’s feeding video to whoever heads Shield!” Huh? Don’t think of Fury. “It’s a man named Fury!”
“Holy shit, she’s a mind reader,” Taskmaster exclaimed. Fury slammed his desk several times.
“…cool,” the mutants decided. “Doesn’t really mean anything to us,” Deadpool said.
Then Spider-Man got a phone call. Over on the water, J Jonah Jameson was on the water overlooking the battle through his telescope. He had some intern filming him and the island. He narrated, “the heroes, minus Spider-Man, seem to be in some discussion with the scoundrels that killed several heroes yesterday. Among Deadpool’s team is a purple-haired Asian, a man with winged feet, and Canada’s Wolverine! There seems to be a separate team of which I can recognize Harlem’s Cottonmouth and ex-mayor Diamondback. Oh and there’s the Constrictor, a man who failed to stop Spider-Man tyranny earlier in his career. Viewers, while I can’t explain why legends such as Doctor Strange, Tony Stark, and the Daredevil are doing teaming up with Spider-Man for all he’s worth, I do know that those three will bring us justice!”
How can he be hating Spider-Man right now? Daredevil wondered which both Mamba and Psylocke read from his mind. Spider-Man moved behind his group and out of view, “Jameson I-”
“PARKER WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? Both Trish and Eddie have disappeared and you decide to not clock in as well?? Is it Ditch Day for all my talent?”
“No I-”
“OF COURSE NOT, I COULDN’T LIST YOU AMONG MY TALENTS. If I don’t find your ass on my boat in the East River in thirty minutes, you’re suspended!”
“Okaaaaay.”
“A phone call right now, Spider-Man?” Stark asked, feeling his temple.
“Spider-Man’s name is Parker,” Namor said aloud. The villains nodded in understanding.
“But that name doesn’t really mean anything to us,” Deadpool said and they sighed.
Strange unfolded the Eye of Agamotto while Pietro reappeared with his group. He returned with a solemn face and sunken body. “The girl you ran off with, who is she?” Wolverine asked.
“You better not have done it again,” Namor warned.
“…it doesn’t matter. I should kill myself for hurting her like this.”
Psylocke read, “okay so, she’s Trish and they totally made love yesterday.”
“YOU SLUT YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN!” Namor shouted at him.
“Another blonde??? What’s wrong with you, redheads are the meta,” Deadpool exclaimed.
Frank asked, “Hey Red, did they just call Hellcat…Trish? She’s Jones’ friend, ain’t that right?” Daredevil nodded with an awkward frown. “Really rad of you Red.”
“Wait Trish?” Spider started.
“Do you know her? Are you talking to other superbaddies?” Felicia asked. Natasha raised her hand with a wide smile. “WHAT? SHIELD??”
“Spider-Man, I was really unfamiliar of your work,” Stark said. Spider started to protest.
Diamondback muttered, “really…I could’ve killed Trish like twice by now. Hellcat would’ve never happened.”
“Always shoot your shot brother,” Cottonmouth advised.
“Sorry, I am back,” Hellcat said returning. Jameson dropped his jaw.
“Hold on, there’s a hint of her breath on yours,” Wolverine said to Quicksilver.
“That’s crazy,” he argued.
“I concur, your breath smelled worse earlier!” Namor shouted.
Daredevil turned to her, “hey, everyone knows your Trish…but what’s your relationship to him? Did you just make out with him?”
Hellcat’s face grew incredibly red. “No! Yesterday, he kidnapped me with his superspeed and took me on a date!! It’s was weirdly romantic and-”
“SISTER-!” Felicia exclaimed
“Lie to me. Lie to us right now and say you never kissed,” Daredevil demanded.
“Pft, I was hellbent on killing him! But he kissed me. And it was good but it is still sexual assault!” Silent cringe from the rest of the group. “Well I agree it was embarrassing. That’s why I didn’t even mention Pietro’s name.”
Strange then spoke up, “okay so the Black Mamba among the snakes is a mind reader. Purple hair has more psychic powers including nerve hacking, psionic conjuration, telepathy, and telekinesis. Wolverine and Deadpool both have near immortal healing capabilities while Pietro only has superspeed. The seaman-”
“Namor the Sub Mariner,” Daredevil corrected. Taskmaster looked at him.
“Oh. Namor can bend water to his will along with flying. They all have super senses but Wolverine’s and Namor’s are the best and most developed.”
“Wait what the hell?” QS asked. “I expect that kind of download from Iron man, how’d you learn all our powers?”
“A magician never tells his secrets,” Spider shouted.
“That and fuck you,” Strange said.
“Trish, I’m sorry I made you want to kill us. I hope you can forgive me after I murder the rest of your friends.”
“WE’RE DONE. In any case, please let me prove myself. I’m killing Pietro Maximoff.”
“Oh and I thought Shield was arresting them,” Frank said in a mocking tone.
“Cool, looks like diplomacy’s over, kid,” Wolverine said, trashing his finished cigar.
“Stop calling me kid, I’m Spider-Man.”
“Right but everyone can tell you’re a kid. You’re like the youngest one here by a century probably.”
“Don’t date me like that,” the collection of supers said.
Spider turned to DD, IM, and Strange, “permission to quickly divulge into roasting the enemy?” They gave him three thumbs up with a proud smile.
“Okay, purple hair-”
“It’s Psylocke you miscreant.”
“Whatever, why do you put on a barely recognizable British accent? You’ve obviously never been to London.”
“It-it’s not an accent! This is my voice,” the rest of her team shook their heads.
“And Wolverine, you are all over the place with branding. Tiger stripes, you pet wolves last I saw you, and long claws? Wolverines don’t have claws like that. Namor, Vegeta is not cool enough to intimate his hair in real life, you are scaring the hoes. Pietro, get over yourself. I defeated you like in the first act in twenty minutes. She does not want you after killing her best friend. And Deadpool, worst of all, you-”
“Istillfuckedyourbitch.”
“W-what?”
“No matter what you were about to say, I still fucked your bitch.” Searing hot silence. “Like, you’re with Felicia now, right? Hi there honey. Remember when I fucked you?”
“Yeah I was talking about it this morning-” Strange, Stark, and DD facepalmed. “Wait, shut up Wade!” Natasha shook her head.
“Ahhhhhhahahahahaha,” the mutants fell over each other with loud laughter. “I fucked your bitch! Everytime you’re in her, you’ve felt my residue!”
“No- no I haven’t!”
“You HAVEN’T FUCKED??” They erupted again into even louder laughter.
“Shut up!” Viper shouted, “you all, ALL OF YOU, are beneath me. We’ll fight the second Defenders. We’ll fight the fucking X-Force. And we’ll make the entire human race serve me and my needs! By any means necessary!” The snakes readied themselves.
“Oh yeah, Stark, can you rewind and play that track again?”
“Oh that was three songs ago but sure Player Two.”
“What? What does that mean?”
“It refers to men who only go for the ‘used goods’ of other men,” Natasha said directly in his ear.
“This was horrendous,” Frank muttered.
“Let no one escape,” Daredevil said.
“Stick to your advantages,” Stark said with his mask coming back down.
“No desperate moves, it’s anyone’s game here,” Strange said, floating towards the center.
“Trolling’s over,” Wolverine said. He unsheathed his claws, Psylocke conjured her knives, Deadpool showed his blades, Namor wielded his trident, and Quicksilver cracked his knuckles. “It’s time to be a force of nature.”
“HERE THEY GO,” Jameson shouted. “Remember to keep up, you!”
tdwriter 