March for Kevin Hart
Adin Ross Kicks it Off– This buffoon, I’ve mentioned before as a component (albeit small) to the rise of Kai Cenat. Adin David Ross, born at the turn of the century, was just another stupid kid who happened to be Jewish. He started his streaming career with 2K (the basketball videogame) which eventually got him in contact with the son of Lebron James. He also had an older sister, Naomi, who would sometimes join him. Within the last year, Adin fell to his knees with Andrew Tate deep down his throat. Andrew was a misogynistic philosopher, before he got arrested by Romanian authority, that allowed his new lil bro Adin tagalong to his preaching and such. But any clip I saw of the two was filled with disdain and hatred from Andrew to Adin. Adin would spit some bad joke and Andrew would just give him the most serious “kill yourself” look or just tell him to shut the fuck up. This would turn into Adin visibly acting nervous and submissive toward Andrew whenever they were on video together. Granted, Andrew is twice Adin’s age and is not a gamer but a retired boxer who recommends men to get their money up in order to just buy women who they could abuse at their leisure. So no, Andrew couldn’t like this kid who might not have been attracted to this philosophy if he already had a girlfriend. Andrew would get famous enough to start his own institution known as Hustler’s University. While Adin was tied to Andrew, I am not sure he participated in the program which taught teenage boys how to acquire their own sex slaves. With this school, Andrew really didn’t need to rely on any lip service from Adin anymore as he was way more internet famous than lil bro. When Andrew did get arrested, Adin boasted about how he was invited to be one of the few to visit Andrew but when he got there, Romania turned him away. Then the man asked Biden to pardon Andrew, a British national. Unbelievably low in the trenches. Without Andrew to invite on stream, his career wasn’t shot but the kid isn’t necessarily interesting on his own. For example, someone in chat one day brought up fascism and while he could be forgiven for mispronouncing the term; he couldn’t even get through the definition with his second grader reading level. Throughout the years, Adin has been banned from Twitch for different reasons and now he got perma banned for hateful content due to showing screenshots of hateful content. He would become a pioneer in the land of Kick (not to be confused with messaging app Kik) which was a new streaming service. Here, one would not be filtered at all and there was an extremely low 5% tax for the nobles that streamed here. Meanwhile, Youtube’s streaming tax is at 30% while Twitch had a 50% tax. Due to an influx of Kick streamers, Twitch would shift to a 30% tax. Kick is just a vassalage of Stake, a gambling site that makes enough money for any loss on Kick. Kick would be seen over by its two founders (Bijan Tehrani and Ed Craven) and the most preeminent gambling streamer “Trainwrecks”. Recently, Adin had somewhat aligned with Trainwrecks and xQc over the rights of gamble streaming. Adin once said that if gambling gets banned off Twitch (due to possibly indoctrination of stupid idiot children) than so should ‘Hottub streams’ due to basically being softcore porn. Hot Tub streams were Twitch meta* for a while as all a girl had to do was sit in a hot tub, bathtub, or just a kidde pool in a bikini and get tons of money from masturbaters. According to nudity rules of Twitch, these streams were legal because they were wearing at least a bathing suit–not lingerie–did not intentionally do any nip slips or ass shots, and the streamer was actively doing something on the stream. Ironically, Adin has been in such a stream with the most famous soft porn streamer Amouranth. Kick practically bought Adin in an unspecified contract and Adin’s most loyal followers….followed him there since he couldn’t be on Twitch. Growth was slow for him at first but Kick was completely knew. His streams on their became infamous as he immediately turned into an incredibly edgy with slurs and sexism rampant. One time, he just watched porn on stream so I am not sure about his views against hot tub streams. Another time, chat tricked him into viewing a leaked nude of his own sister. Well, was it even a trick? The more viewers that came in would convince Kick to continue to contract others such as oldest streamer Destiny and stream king xQc (we’ll get to that later). Anyways, I keep stating how big other streamers are that surround Adin because he really is midtier. Nobody ever talks about him, lmao.
*Meta can refer to the best/standard way to win the game or make money. For example, it is currently the meta to be an oil producer like Saudi Arabia or if you want to be a pedohplie it is meta to play minecraft. Metas change with the times.
Gomez v Beiber– After all these internet celebrities, it is finally time to discuss real celebrity drama. I know the normies are feening* for this. So Selena Gomez was one of the first Disney stars that would get famous with a singing career. Around the same time, Justin Bieber spawned out of Canada with hits such as “Baby” that would make him the most glazed* teenage boy of the century (so far). Women everywhere liked him and his twisted mophead hairstyle would become iconic although it has always been normal for Northern white blonde boys to grow hair like that. At some point, beyond my knowledge, the two would enter relations with each other. Meanwhile, Hailey Baldwin was a model and socialite who was born to the youngest of the Baldwin Brothers. The Baldwins can trace themselves to Mayflower Pilgrims meanwhile while the 4 famous brothers were movie stars since the 90s. Hailey also got to know Justin. While Justin and Selena had an on and off relationship for years, Hailey and Justin also dated. Finally, in 2018, Selena and Justin seemed to have their final break. That was five years ago. In the grand scale of time, Justin immediately returned to Hailey and by the end of the summer, they were married. The wedding wasn’t held till next year. Selena was still friends with the two so it seemed weird that their fanbases were spreading rumors. “Justin cheated on Selena with Hailey” and “Hailey is a homewrecking slut” summarizes the rumors which Hailey felt were completely inappropriate. On the “Call Her Daddy” Podcast hosted by an Alexandra Cooper, Hailey stated that she and Justin didn’t even reunite until things were nice and dead between him and Selena. She also primarily recommended fans to be more respectful and nice with everyone in general. Next month, Selena and Hailey even were photographed together at the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures’ gala. It became viral although Selena stated it was no big deal. Regardless of what the queens said, the fanbases would continue the feud. “Selena got Fat” became a headline at the turn of the year and the watchful Gomez fans discovered a video where Hailey was totally body shaming the girl. Well it wasn’t but again, to Selena it was nothing. Hailey deflected the accusations as her TikTok was unrelated to anything happening around the world. What happened next is so funny, these fanbases are hungry for anything. Selena posted her eyebrow stating she messed up the shading that day. Kylie Jenner then posted her own eyebrow and Hailey’s eyebrow asking “this was an accident?”. The Gomez fanbase attacked again with more accusations of bodyshaming. I’m up here giggling. Hailey and Selena both responded that the fans were being way too silly and the posts were unrelated. The Gomez fans were still desperate! One reposted an old video of Hailey ‘bullying’ Taylor Swift on Drop the Mic. Another started talking about how hard Selena’s life is since she lost the love of seven years to someone else, suffering from autoimmune disease, and living through all this in the public eye. Another tiktor posted photos of Hailey copying Selena’s outfits, how she had a cooking show 1 Covid after Selena, and a cursive tattoo they have behind their ears. Then the fans caught Justin’s mom, Pattie Mallette, liking and unliking a post Selena said about taking a breather away from the Internet. HOW? WHY ARE YOU WATCHING FOR THAT? Then Hailey posted on her story with the song “Calm Down” by Rema and Selena. Except, she didn’t use the version with Selena! Again, fans were on her ass. Then Justin performed at Rolling Loud California for his birthday and to the fans who came, he gave them a silver souvenir. It read, “I’m so thankful that I didn’t end up with what I thought I wanted” and immediately the Gomez fans thought he meant Selena. This would be brutally savage if so. Regardless, now the fans were against both parts of the Bieber couple in all out war. Death threats were thrown at the Biebers and Selena pleaded for them to stop. Hailey responded with gratitude to Selena and a second recommendation for everyone to treat everyone nicer. She later admitted that this war was the saddest she’s felt in a while and pushes for more kindness. At this point, the conflict was at it’s height.
Now I try to be consistent about it but for me; a fanbase is a decentralized umbrella group of people that could even refer to people indirectly related to the artist. Then the fandom is a centralized community with the artist having fealty over their constituents.
This conflict wasn’t even a Gomez-Bieber war but Hailey trying to beat the “throwing shade” allegations against chat. And what can she do, they don’t give a fuck up the truth of things. They ship Jelena and could not dare fathom the man with another woman. If Justin decided to marry anyone, they’d receive the same treatment. Now it’s not her fault but I think Selena’s lack of attention to the situation leads to fans having greater autonomy at cutting down Mr Baldwin’s legs. It reminds me of England’s laissez faire attitude toward the American colonies and so they killed natives and French at their leisure while always asking for the colonial border to be moved west. So I think Selena and the Beibers should be way more direct with their responses even though they don’t care. I remember their were people asking folks to choose a side but now that I know the history, what fucking choice? Choose Hailey’s side and Justin gets to keep her and maybe I’m supporting a bully. Choose Selena’s side but her relationship with Justin already didn’t work and maybe I’m supporting someone with singing talent. What is there to argue?
*Glazing refers to excessive praising of a subject to the point of embarrassing yourself and the subject
The Ludwig Truck Hunt– “Mogul” Ludwig Aghren, current stream king, had spent the last year on a critically successful campaign. For many streamers, it a was a year of big events such as Creator Clash or Jerma Baseball. Ludwig meanwhile would be involved in his own gameshow Mogul Money, the Mogul Chessboxing Championship, the Alpha-Mogul Double Smash Tournament, and the Scuffed World Tour (another Smash). This was while selling bidets and at the top of this year, he joined Moist Critical’s eSports team as a co-sponsor. A big year for him which would end in the robbery of his special truck. Oh. Not just any truck. It was his dream car! It was a japanese minitruck (aka K Truck) from ’97. It’s so freaking tiny. Apart of the Global Warming DLC, a unusual amount of rain came down upon Los Angeles causing extreme traffic (for LA) and power outages. A friend of his would get trapped in the same warehouse as his truck and to open the gate, it would need to stay open. While the friend was freed, the truck was too. A stalker found the open warehouse and stole the truck! While Ludwig contacted the police, he also made all his followers aware of this robbery. Since the video got put on the trending tab of Youtube and retweeted by thousands on Twitter, everyone would be searching for the super unique vehicle in the streets of LA. Within 24 hours, redditors and tweeters found the car in Sylmar (North LA) but the driver found in the car was resistant enough to escape Ludwig’s friends when they tried to claim the truck. The next morning, the driver stopped my a masseuse and the Mogulfans found him once again. This time, LAPD was helpful enough to cause the robber to run away and thus the truck was saved! Now I point out this story to show how much power an Internet celebrity could have, how entrenched this power is in Los Angeles, and how useful the Internet displays this power.
*Feening refers to having a great hunger or lust for something
Steamer of the Year: Now it was time to elect the next Stream King for the year. As I’ve said, last year was Ludwig. This year, he wasn’t even nominated for kingship. I already told y’all about Kai but about the other three. Also while I watched the whole thing, I cannot recall a single thing. There was some goofy part somewhere but I forget why.
Hasan Piker is a part time political and part time reaction streamer who started his career as apart of the Young Turks group. His uncle, Cenk Uygur, began the media company for leftist movement. Hasan himself is a leftist that believes America did indeed cause 9/11 which was a take that got him to national tv. So I consider him a semi-professional streamer as he has to have appeared in formal press meetings while also fooling around with the likes of Ludwig and QT on Twitch. More recently, Hasan has been pressed for his views on the Russo-Ukrani War and the Purge of Palestine.
“xQc” Felix Lengyel is a Magyar-Quebecois gamer that got famous due to his Overwatch streams. He has a distant voice and dialect leading to many clips of him just sounding like nonsense. He’s also very airheaded but I wouldn’t necessarily call him stupid. He’ll sometimes get arrogant and passionate about his ideals but it’s malicious enough to real foster drama. So when he transitioned to gambling on stream and got really defensive about it, he didn’t really lose too many friends. He also shifted to reaction streaming which has gotten him into trouble this year. Mostly because these are his most quiet streams to the point he’ll leave the video he’s reacting to on while taking a shit or something.
Jeremey (Jerma985) Elbertson has had a long career in what would be called variety streaming. He used to be a substitute teacher and voice actor for some indie games. When he started Youtube, he’d make WWE videos with made up characters and Team Fortress 2 gameplay. When he started Twitch, he became more surreal with greenstreams (streaming with a greenscreen), and all kinds of eventful shenanigans. The fans would plague the internet with quirky Jerma clips due to his nearly schizophrenic behavior. Or at least it was fanon that he seemed to talk to himself on stream. Fans appreciated him nonetheless and many would cite him as one of the nicest streamers.
All this yapping and the winner was Kai Cenat. Another thing to mention is that amuteur boxer “Justaminx” got as drunk as an Irish person would at this event and that cause some behind the scene mishap. Well that seems to be the only thing that happened to Minx this year.
Skibidi Toilet: is a short video series where heads rise out of a toilet singing a scatman remix as it springs up and down. The heads are pale with bulging eyes and robotic jaws. It is actually nothing special but it would become a viral series. They were made by shitposter “DaFuq!?Boom!” who might as well be the most popular in that genre with a current 37million subscribers. This guy has had a long career of Transformers, GTA, and TFS2 animations which is why the toilet heads look so familiar. Anyways, the first few skibidi toilets got viral and so that has become his career as he’s made dozens more. It would become especially popular with younger kids, some would say, as it was both goofy and random. As it continued, it would keep a storyline with the toilets rising and falling while trying to conquer humanity. Eventually, on twitter, someone reposted the clips there with the usual dear inducer “this is what your kids are watching”. The potential intention was to spawn cringe and disdain from the older generations but millennials and older zoomers were simply reminded of Gmod animations days. Or days when Youtube Poop were popular. One tweeter even said it was the modern day Slender Man. With that, people also would begin to consider it the one of the first Gen Alpha memes (kids born since 2010 who are 13 at the oldest). Now it was surreal and silly but also a bit too familiar too me. In fact, the models are from Gmod, from a 6 years old Youtube channel animating since the Golden Age. I would actually still consider this a Zoomer crafted meme just with an Alpha audience. I say this because pre-COVID era, there was also a high era of surreal or post-ironic memes that we fed on but were more than likely made by millenials. Especially Slenderman, that was all you guys trying to scare kids, lmao. And then one of you put it in the video game, Enderman, that’s crazy to me. By the way, back then, I watched Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure related Gmod videos that were just above the quality of these skibidi toilets, those were the days. Also, “skibidi” as a term doesn’t mean anything, even when used by these kids. It is a sound from scatman songs, look it up, but even there it means nothing. Do not give it a definition in any dictionary!
The French are Acting up Again: this was so silly goofy. I have a French friend who desperately hates Macron who won his reelection to be president last year. According to him, Macron just sucks. Well, this year Macron pushed for an increased retirement age, from 62 to 64, in order to ease the amount of pension the French government paid to retirees. According to some data, there is just less than 2 worker paying for every retiree (via tax). The post WW2 Baby Boom strikes back! He wanted a slow transition to that new age over the next several years but people were already vocally against it. He also did not have too much power in Parliament so in a freak decision, he pushed the new age into law with special powers from Article 49.3 of the Constitution. So then, across the French state, a million workers in different industries rose up in opposition of the law. The trade unions that rose did not want the lower wage workers to work for longer. The strikes turned into riots as police moved onto the people. Violence sparked between these groups, massive property damage and a halting of civil functions such as trash pickup. Oh this escalation was just like in a few days. With the use of tear gas and other ‘crowd suppression’ tools, the police garnered criticism of France from the rest of the world. Even Iran (who brutalized their own civilians during the hijab protests last year) spoke out against France’s brutality. But enough of these facts, what was shared online was even crazier. First it was just regular riot clips except they were a lot more hellish than what most people see in their own riots. Smoke in the air, blood on the ground and folks called it the second French Revolution. These folks had only heard of one. Most likely not real clips on Tiktok and Twitter started to appear of Batman appearing in the middle of the riots. There were many, and some that even looked real, but these Batmans just walked around in smoke and didn’t really add. By next month, it turned into full blown cosplay in Paris. There’d be all kinds of Marvel and DC characters besides cosplays from video games. Twas silly. The meme couldn’t die because in the summer, a Nahel Merzouk was shot dead by police. This incited new riots in Paris with cars a flame and more police brutality. Batman returned to Paris ready to just kind of watch or get blasted by a cop.
Kanye Watches 21 Jump Street: At the end of last year, the most famous person with DID Kanye West came out with a long list of antisemtic remarks for Jewish media or all media. While he’s almost said that kind of stuff before, they came out of nowhere in a year where he was kind of doing just fine. So he decided to do not fine and lost all of his business partnerships. The antisemitism came with a short lived alliance with faggot nazi Nick Fuentes. The two appeared together on the Alex Jones show InfoWars. Here, Kanye displayed the depth of his hatred over the Jews, and Israel, and Big Media. He not only surprised but also frightened Alex when he said, “I loooooooove Hitleeeeeer” and then also denied the Holocaust. Alex, for the first time in his career, was the straight man. Because of this interview, whenever I think of Israeli ruler Benjamin Netanyahu, I think of Kanye’s bit with a net and a Yahoo chocolate milk. Afterwards, no one really could think of anyway to defend Kanye’s beliefs. Not even Graduation was good enough since that album was 15 years old. I didn’t even really see a rise in nazisim or antisemtism so he really was alone in this. Then, suddenly, Kanye watched 21 Jump Street. The film stars Channing Tatum and Jewish Jonah Hill. Yup. Jonah performed so well in the movie that Kanye decided Jewish people were alright. This alter of Kanye has saved the fucking day. People could go back to listening his music, Muskovite Twitter could reinstate his account, and we could all forget about the Antisemtic Episode in the Kanye Saga.
Quick aside, like immediately after gaining praise from Kanye fans for saving the day, Jonah Hill caught himself in deep water. He’d be the next person in the sexual assault allegations list; one against a girl who was 16 at the time and another just for emotional abuse on his ex-girlfriend.
Real Life Kang Moment– you have gotta to be kidding me, speaking of freaking allegations, there’s the Majors case. After a life of criminal hardship, Jonathan Michael Majors became an actor when inspired by Heath Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker (Dark Knight). He would be in several more acts but then put in the nerd spotlight when starring as the role of Kang, the main villain of Marvel’s Multiverse Saga. Kang is a time traveling perfectionist who loves to win no matter what, even against himself. He would first appear in Loki on Disney+ and everyone immediately fell in love with his appearance. Then he was again present in Quantumania in which chat largely agreed he carried the move. But now his ex-girlfriend, Grace Jabbari, came out with allegations of domestic abuse against him. Nerds were on the edge of their seats as shitposters memed about Majors losing his Marvel job. Well, it wasn’t official he lost any Marvel job but the allegation would cause him to lose several other roles and in fact two starring roles. It would come out that Jabbari did not hold him for the charge and that the police arrested Majors on their own authority. The court would continue to actually hold other allegations against him as several victims came forward. To slightly improve his image, Majors seemed to have faked stopping a fight between adolescents which everyone in chat caught as faked. Well, whether or not he stopped a real fight, his image was unimproved. While Majors did appear again in the already recorded Season 2 of Loki, it will yet be seen if he can act ever again. And then, he would be successfully charged reckless assault and harassment with his sentencing set for February of 2024.
Arrested in Minecraft– NOOOOOOOO! This was the worst day for Internet users everywhere. For years, many online have been aware that real life governments survey any comment on the Internet and so certain codes were used instead of plain language. There was also still a good number of users who don’t care at all and will post their location and activity 24/7 on Youtube as if they want a stalker. Even on Tiktok, the kids known there is such a thing as a footprint of an inappropriate video that could stop them from getting into college or a good job. But anyways, two of these codes were “in Minecraft” and the other “in Roblox” which are two sandbox games where you could almost do anything. But a streamer or commenter saying this following a crime like “I’m going to blow up the Twin Towers, in Minecraft”, would then invalidate the statement. Obviously he’s talking about the game and not the real life towers. Well, now not anymore. A 4channer on /pol was caught threatening a Florida cop from his home in New Jersey. Oh I shouldn’t say threaten, it was more of a recommendation to end the police’s life because there was no way he was going to be able to finish the job. Now when anon made the comment, it was picked up by government surveillance and then eventually, they found out where he lived (his mom’s place) and who exactly he was. And it sucks that he was the one that ruined the phrase. Firstly, who likes cops? But this cop was antifa, literally fighting nazis in Volusia County. Also, the anon was racist himself. So the worst person ruined the best excuse. Worst timeline. In any case, we must cover ourselves more safely and in fact no game is probably safe as an excuse. Good luck!
Chris Chan Bailed out of Jail– nono no, we are not talking about him. This is just an announcement kind of thing. (Despite being an online Sonic fan since 2010, I have stayed faraway from any information about Chris Chan and I won’t break the streak today).
Gwyneth Paltrow goes Skiing- Gwyneth “Goop” Paltrow is truly a white woman. She was a high level actress apart of many films and she even started her own media company known as Goop. With her relevancy, she is a proponent in psuedo-science such as steaming her vagina in herbal water to boost its stats or something. So just about most normal (yet silly) thing she could do was end up a victor of a skiing lawsuit. Pre-covid, a Terry Sanderson sued Paltrow for colliding into him while skiing. This collision apparently gave him brain damage and so he asked for $300,000. She counter sued him with the reverse claim. Covid would delay the trial until this year when she finally won. The jury found her not guilty. And what did she win in return? A singular dollar.
Leafy’s Third Coming- Calvin Lee Vail, aka “Leafyishere”, began his Youtube career gaming and reacting to cringe content. It was almost always punching down on random kids, except for Onision, but he was self aware of this. While reacting to videos, his commentary included repeated phrases, remarks about how it made him cringe, and once in a while a good joke. I sometimes found him funny but many didn’t like the type of edge he brought to Youtube. I do blame him for making the “I Play Pokemon Go Everyday” singer more popular than he could have been. Leafy would be arrested once by Content Cop Idubbz but his channel only took a hit once he stopped posting. He did also gain ire for attacking a transgender creator but then went on a two year hiatus. Then, edginess died on Youtube. Not just him but many others just stopped posting or being as relevant during Trump’s presidency. Then, during Covid, as if he were bored, he returned to the Internet gaining way more hatred than he did back in the day. Finally, this year, he turned to Twitter who immediately jumped on him. Chat flashbacked to all his vitriolic videos and his transphobia causing Leafy to become a bit delirious and declare himself a nazi. Specifically an antisemitic nazi, my differential there is that care way more about Israelite paranoia than white supremacy. This is because they have a Big Brother complex online since nobody they know likes them. And so then Leafy allied Nick Fuentes and then later got banned off twitter. I guess he has a day job now so we’ll see him when he gets bored of that.
Tiktok vs Congress: seen that been there. Even some months later, nothing has been done about Tiktok within the United States.
tdwriter 