the Ken-Year Chronicle

Junebugs are Bugging

Yakigate– I did an article and she still hasn’t returned to the internet! Sad!

Baby Gronk Rizzes up Livvy Dune- “Baby Gronk” Madden San Miguel is a Texan footballer and the world’s most famous Gen Alpha member at 11 years old. Yes, when he was born, the Avengers was just released. He is the son of Jake San Miguel who has decided to raise his son into the NFL in order to accomplish the American Dream. The American Dream, making it from rags to riches due to the idea there is no nobility in a republic (there are), has been hard for many to accomplish unless one entered a field of science, athletics, or music. And so the parents of many musicians have abused their children in a ways we may see child athletes will in the future. Jake hypes up his son on social media and tries to find leads into the League with college scholarships. You know Americans usually commit in junior and even senior year of high school. At 9 years old, the boy first committed to the University of Oregon. And then, by now, Gronk had amassed a power level of 500k online. Famous for his chunkier size despite his age, he is named for Robert James Gronkowski, a tight end in the NFL and casual celebrity. His government name, Madden, comes from the football coach John Earl Madden who also gave his name to the video game series Madden NFL. As for Olivia Paige “Livvy” Dune of New Jersey, she was a gymnastics talent that won enough competitions that Louisiana State University would grant her a place in their humble abode. There, she would start a tiktok career detailing her gymnastic thingies and she would be cute enough to amass a power level of 5 million. Her grand popularity also brought her lots of sponsorships with companies like Grubhub, Bodyarmor, and American Wagle Outfitters. She would be the highest-valued women’s college athlete. Potentially using her to upscale his own son during a college trip, Jake had Madden meet Livvy for a quick tiktok video where she kind of recruits him for LSU. The title of the video was probably the only mistake made as Jake is basically claiming Madden rizzed up Livvy despite how visibly nervous the boy is in the conversation. She carries the whole script and gives him a hug as any college girl would do to a cute looking kid. Hold on, I DON’T think he’s cute, this is what the bitches do. This popped off though especially due to a another video robotically narrating the event. Because of him (h00pify), the sentence “Baby Gronk rizzed up Livvy Dune” or the reverse became a meme despite plenty of people not being able to recognize the two in a crowd of black people. The guys stunted narration would also be parodied by others to the point that it would be classified as ‘tiktok accent’. H00pify’s video also hit twitter in a big splash, introducing the term rizz to those not ten years older than him. Oh and then the feedback, well Jake would be attacked for letting his son flirt with a college girl at all, especially since she was in a ‘sexy’ crop top. From those who actually went outside, there were criticisms of Jake abusing his son’s money making position although Jake defended himself under the idea that this was the new meta and boomers shouldn’t be worried about it. Well, just recently, Baby Gronk declared that he would retire from football. Buddy wasn’t even in high school yet. A fifth grader retiring from anything is insane. At least he won’t be going to Loser State University.

Shinokuni- smoke rose up suddenly covering the Manhattan sky. But it was nothing for a New Yorker to worry about. The real ones at least. They still had to clock in, pay rent, and fuck bitches. It didn’t matter if a Spider-Man comic came to life. For others tho, they came tweeting about the darkened smoky sky which was really eerie. Espeically since NYC wasn’t the only one, it seemed to be across the Northeast that the sky had turned yellow from all the smoke. Then everything was in a haze. Still, NYC barely beat Delhi in lowest air quali Eventually, the twitter community realized why it was so dogshit outside, there was a wildfire in Canada. Oh well. Wait what the fuck, wildfires in Canada? Ah, as apart of the Global Warming DLC, the arid environment of Canada would be vulnerable to flames due to cold front wind moving against vegetation. In the last few decades, the fires have spread farther and father but happen less in a year. The fire season is around the summer as it is even dryer then. It started as early as March and spread across all 13 territories of Canada. 6 people have been reported dead. Laster this month, smoke took the Nordic path to hit European countries giving them their own dose of Fear Gas. One potential solution to such wildfires is to not buy into the DLC but our society already has :).

Reddit Mods Rise Up- the land of Reddit is ruled by “spez” Steve Huffman and I have always considered it the nerdiest of websites. There, each forum (subreddit) is distinctly ruled by one or a team of mods, the noble class, that have a decent amount of power. They can ban you whenever you make the slight infraction of their rules and if they don’t want an idea to exist among the peasantry, it usually doesn’t. There are also legends about the moderators. Firstly, a few number of them seem to be reigning over several subreddits so if you didn’t like want about knitting, the same one might exist for the next knitting group. And more than that, different mods could potentially really be the same real life person. And this power hungry breed fo mods are also known to be short tempered and too haughty despite the fact that they are just supposed to be helping Reddit keep Terms of Service. Technically. Because of their personalities, reddit gained a reputation of pent-up socially-inept nerds although plenty of normies use the site. “The Front Page of the Internet” is also a supposedly useless app on its own. The Official Podcast, 4 gamers who avidly use Reddit ;), agree that they don’t even remember how to use Reddit without their add-ons and is otherwise unusable as a site. The add-ons are interface changes to Reddit’s web design and app design. I have never used one but there are plenty that range from cosmetics redesigns to functional changes. One such app was Apollo which seems to change every little thing about the original app and doing that takes API permissions in a rapid fashion. Considering that Apollo and other apps were expending Reddit, CEO Huffman wanted to start taxing these support apps. He announced a new plan that would charge the supports on each permission after a certain threshold. The threshold was high enough so that the purely cosmetic ones wouldn’t actually be charged at all. Larger supports like Apollo would take the brunt of funding Reddit with their estimated check to be in the millions in a year. So Apollo and others decided to just stop servicing Redditors. And apparently, the mods and their peons could not dare use the website without the add-ons and so they decided to hold a 48 hour shutdown of the subreddits in protest. I think most redditors were invested enough to accept that their mods wanted to shut things down but it became more relevant that the mods themselves were rising up against Huffman. The intention is that with shutdowns to thousands of subreddits, nobody would visit the site and thus Reddit wouldn’t even receive ad revenue. Even the gooners* stopped edging*. But! The strike would literally only last 48 hours. They gave that warning to Huffman ahead of time so all he had to do was wait. Also ahead of time, Huffman held a meeting of the general estates where he showed resolve in his policy despite the hatred hurled at him. Wait was successful. A majority of subreddits went back in action while still a few decided to continue striking for another day or indefinitely. By next month, the new policy went into enforcement. Apart of the policy was also an amendment to mature content on Reddit which restricted API permissions from porn sites. Porn would have to be kind of directly posted onto Reddit. Then, the subreddit r/place held their annual collaborative art tournament where any users could come and change the color of one pixel in accordance with peers to make one big picture of Luffy or Nika Luffy. Lots of One Piece in the contest this year. There was also a moment where they united to write “Fuck Spez” over the entire canvas. In my opinion, Spez won if he ends up making more money this year but I don’t care. Reddit is not that serious. You trying make money on a platform where people are just yapping (looking at you Elon), go make your money somewhere else to subsidize it.

*Edging, a masturbation practice where you build to the climax and then you don’t orgasm. You remain on the edge of orgasm for as long as you can, however you can, for the vibes. Tiktok teens will swear they are doing it in class but they aren’t.

*gooning, a masturbation practice where you are on the edge and continue this for hours until you reach an ‘enlightened’ state of libido. Here, you will become stupid, sex obsessed, willing to degrade yourself, and entirely involved in mastubation, but never finishing unless you mean to start again. It is long form masturbation that could become your hobby. At that point, gooners will build ‘goon cave’ of sexual images and furniture for the perfect masturbationary environment. The practice isn’t new at all but the term (born around 2005) has gained traction this year in the summertime. Tweeters have complained that it ruined the old Yankee-Italian gangster definition for goon (a dumb foot soldier in a gang) because they can’t handle an English word have multiple definitions. Brain rot. I will also note that it seems to be well associated with male masturbation (since goonette is a separate word for females) because we are innovators but in this practice we are not. Female streamers on the pornographic site Chaturbate will goon with vibrators for entire 9-5 shifts casually, you merely adopted the gooning. I also despise gooners for thinking its an advanced mental state, it’s just longer or intense masturbation.

xQc makes a BUCK: since I already introduced “xQc” Felix Lengyel, we must discuss the controversies he accidentally fell into throughout the year. Firstly, he was already one of the top dogs of Twitch meaning he had a lot of dissenters from the age groups that do not watch him and found him annoying/dumb. Last year, he was apart of the pro-gambling side on Twitch, led by Trainwrecks, who were trying to argue for the legitimacy of that content on a kids site. Well by summertime, Stake (the biggest gambling house on the web) and their streaming site Kick invited Felix with a hefty contract. Felix is to inclusively stream on Kick for two years, getting paid about $70 million and up to $100 million according to his hypeman of an agent Ryan Morrison. Ryan continued to glaze Felix by pointing out that this was one of the most expensive deals in entertainment history. Of course, the deal was also inclusive; he could still make Youtube videos or stream on Twitch so Stake was really just giving him money for fun. And that precedent had already been made, they had already bought other streamers in similar ways. Some people were mad that he was attracting kids to a gambling site with gambling ads but soon they would have a real reason to be mad at him. Even years ago on Youtube, real creators always argued against those whose content entirely revolved around watching some viral videos and not adding enough commentary to be considered transformative. At that point, the reactor was just stealing and this is what Felix was accused of. It worse for Felix as there is evidence of him just leaving the videos playing while he takes a shit or something. The argument is continued by the idea that since the audience already watch the videos on Felix’s streams, they would not discover them on their own, stealing views away. Felix is not just watching viral tiktoks that will reach everyone but also documentaries from Wendigoon (Appalachian folklorist) and Lemmino (animated documentaries narrator). It was Lemmino’s video on the JFK Execution Assassination and xQC’s reaction to it that earned him this accusation. Then, coming in hot, was Felix’s favorite hater; Ethan Klein of the H3H3 Podcast. He would challenge Felix to a debate about the legitimacy of reaction content since he believes Felix does not care. In preparation, Felix trained with “Destiny” Steven Bonnell II who is the one of the oldest streamer-gamer-debatebros online. No advice from Destiny could help Felix’s aggression and attitude against Ethan’s advantageous cornering and tactical traps. I don’t mean to slander Ethan, its not like his traps were gotchas. It was more like Felix just walking into quicksand after ignoring the warning signs. Ethan was relaxed as Felix brought up contentions between his content and commonly understood rules around Fair Use to show that he wasn’t bad or even the worse person. Ethan would reply breaking his logical fallacies (like time machines), inciting rage from him since Felix was so childish, and laying down the undstading around legal and social Fair Use. Fyi, the laws of Fair Use are those that companies will always jump on because they need that money and will kill you for it. Social Fair Use, are agreements between content creators to not abuse each other’s content too much although eventually you may be reacting to someone. As Ethan pushed for each side, Felix found himself harder and harder to speak. He would lash out instead, attacking Ethan’s tourettes, hairline, and his wife’s company. Finally, Felix lost his mind and performed the worm thusly winning the debate. Well no, Ethan just kicked him off his show since he was practically wasting time. In the hour or so conversation, Ethan discovered that Felix still doesn’t care about his content thievery. Aftwards, Destiny was disappointed in Felix’s performance but what can be said? He’s an idiot.

Joe Bartolozzi dies: I forget on which day in June but Joe fucking died. Joe was just a 21 year old teenager when he passed. During Covid, he started his Youtube and Twitch career with clips getting reposted on tiktok. He became famous on their also due to his ranting videos since his New Jersey rage was truly something unique on tiktok. But unfortunately, he passed away, as recognized by the tik tok comments. His family/girlfriend seem to keep posting previously recorded content from him, some clips he recorded of himself screaming denying that he died. How did he know? Perhaps he has even been replaced by Ai.

Titanic Submarine: Suddenly, I come on to twitter and everyone’s talking about people who have trapped themselves in a submarine in route to sight the Titanic. The Titanic was a British ship that sailed across the Atlantic in 1912, named after the group of Greek gods who rued over the Golden Age of Mankind. The ship is so big that now titanic is an English word referring to size or greatness. The ship was also hyped up by some to be unsinkable or at least one of the greatest ships crafted. It sailed across the atlantic, cut itself against an iceberg and sunk to the bottom of the sea. Everyone’s cried over the semi-fictional movie about the ship Titanic (1997) at least if they aren’t Alpha. The shipwreck has been discovered, 75 years after the fact, and has been well visited by scientists and tourists. One company that does these shipwreck tours was OceanGate headed by Richard Stockton Rush III who wanted to visit the Titanic personally. So OceanGate built the Titan to be a five person submarine made of titanium and carbon fibre. It would be an uncertified vessel in order to breed innovation. One tradition kept was the use of Sony’s PlayStation3 video game controller which would be modified by the University of Washington’s Applied Physics Laboratory. For navigation, they would have a support ship sending texts of their location with sonar tech. Every 15 minutes, the sub would also send its location to the support ship. Fully fitted, in the summers of the last two years, the sub had visited the shipwreck with 3 tourists (who spent $250,000), and a pilot with his aid. The dives would take anywhere from 2 to 8 hours depending on how much time they wanted to spend smelling like fish. Now before as I finish the introduction, a quote from Stockton Rush, from CBS News, “At some point, safety just is pure waste. I mean, if you just want to be safe, don’t get out of bed. Don’t get in your car. Don’t do anything.” In the middle of June, Rush collected his crew. There was the Frenchie Paul-Henri Nargeolet, Britbonger Hamish Harding, and the Pakistanis Shahzada and Suleman Dawood. Now the timing to dive was very hard as it was the worst winter in the Northeast waters and its freaking June. But finally they dived, off the coast of the poorly named Newfoundland. During the first 90 minutes, Titan had steady communication with Polar Prince. It was late morning when the sub stopped communicating and that’s when I logged into Twitter. The conversation was fast and rampant. Some joked about how several millionaires/billionaires were stuck at the bottom of the ocean. Others made fun of the use of the controller or the design of the sub. As the day longed, it was revealed that in any emergency, the sub has 96 hours of air and also the door is locked from the inside. It was also very tiny inside. Nightfall, it was assumed that the sub was either lost or the people were dead. While I slept, people suspected of cannibalism, talked about how horrible the situation was (even if they were rich). The next day, it was announced that the US Coast Guard was out on the search and rescue which started new conversations. But as the days passed, Twitter found new things to talk about (every other episode following this). 4 days after disappearance, the US authorities announced that they found debris of the sub which had imploded on the day of the incident. The Pelagic Research Services found the debris hours in the start of the search but now was able to confirm it was apart of sub. Now some people celebrated the deaths while others emotionally reacted negatively to such sinful behavior. Some turned neutral as it didn’t really impact their economic situation and I still didn’t care. I didn’t find any of this funny or even interesting. They were just rich and the head of the company, people get lost and die everyday. Just days before, a migrant ship in the Messenia Coast sank killing at least 80 people. I remember one person joked that the USCG knew they imploded the day of but just didn’t want to say due to the ridiculousness of the situation. This person overestimates the Coast Guard. Another note, people talked about how instantly the implosion would have killed the crew since they were so deep already. In fact, their bodies were probably smushed by water pressure before any drowning could happen. Apparently, a movie about the event will be made so this might be a cool scene.

Before we move on, I gotta speak to the names again. Rush? A man who is too impatient for submarine regulation? OceanGate being the gate to their demise. The Polar Prince as if referring to the Titan who sank in the same freezing waters as the Titanic? Dawood, wood is supposed to float but they are intentionally sinking and so the laws of nature kills them. This is all insane.

Return of Smosh: Smosh.com started as a Flash animation site in 2002 but soon transitioned to live-action videos on Youtube at the start of that site. The sites were ran by Anthony Padilla and Ian Hecox who would make skits, vlogs, or any videos with their sense of humor. During the Golden Age of Youtube, it was repeatedly the most popular channel of the website and apparently everyone watched their stuff. They would be bought by Alloy Digital, add new talent to the team, and develop other channels alongside the main one. Then Padilla left to have his own training arc while Hecox stuck around as Smosh switched ownership to Mythical Entertainment. In this “Mythical Era”, from the videos I saw, the main channel’s improv skits were also carried by Courtney Miller and Shayne Topp. It would span the year before Covid, the Covid year, and the year after Covid in which skit channels on Youtube were broadly losing weight in relevancy. Finally, this year, Padilla returned from his training with buying the independence of Smosh. The return of Smosh was announced to feature a return of the style from their classic era without major changes to anything else. This was well celebrated on the Millennial dominant twitter but I have been unable to see people talk about them since. They still have dozens of vassal channels and several series with now the original duo starring in most. Good luck not burning out!

Tated by the Law: Emory Andrew “King Cobra” Tate III, born in 1986 in Washington DC to an Afro-American father and British mother. As a child, he was disciplined by his chessmaster father along with his younger brother and sister Tristan and Janine respectively. They lived in the States until their parents divorced and thus moved to the mother’s land. After school, Andrew went into boxing and won a lot there. He would gain his name “King Cobra” in the ring but became infamous on the British dating show, Big Brother. He was infamous because he got kicked off the show for bigoted tweets he had made and for a video released of him beating a woman. Cobra then became a pimp, recruiting his girlfriends to scam men out of their money online. He headed this with his brother long with other projects. One was the War Room, a secret society of elite misogynists who wanted to come up with programs to spread the ideology of the so called Manosphere. The Manosphere is a lot but at the base, just misogyny against a delusionally believed misandric world. Reactionaries against Feminism which is not widely adopted. Another was the Post Covid Hustler’s University, a project where stupid teenage boys paid $50 monthly to receive economic and romantic advice. It became highly popular along with Andrew growing exponentially in relevance. That was due to primarily leaning on big streamers like Adin Ross to establish a foothold before moving on with his own following. If I do a chronicle on 2022, it would have to be called the Cobra Year due to his Regne de la Terreur in the summer and fall in that year. His philosophy toward women became followed by boys too young to drive so strongly that it reached national news. Parents were asking for his expulsion from the Internet while female teachers dealt with disrespect from male students. Now at this point, he was living in Romania because, as he admitted, it was more lenient with the crimes he commits than the likes of England. It would be in that land that he got arrested at the end of his year after an Internet conflict with environmental futurist Greta Thunberg. Chat speculates that Romanian authority only realized he was in the country after he posted a pizza box from a specifically Romani pizza company. He spent about all of winter and half of spring in jail although he tweeted at least weekly about his waning mental health. By the time he entered house arrest, he had nearly reverted past the recent persona and more to his regular shitposting days before the fame. Weeb posts, random egotistical bullshit, and things that any boxer would post. The Dracula authority went on to seize multiple properties from tate including the 15 cars he bragged to Greta about. He was charged with human trafficking, organized crime, and rape which I’m sure he couldn’t find in their constitution but apparently it was in there. He was arrested along with Tristan and two others. By the time of this episode’s placement in the chronology, he was accused of seven rapes. Later, the house arrest expanded to county arrest as they were not allowed to leave Ilfov. Online, his hatchlings spread conspiracy theories of his arrests or coped* harder. I have an online friend group that became divided over Cobra only after the arrest and still now, one of them appreciate Cobra for his physical nature and not the ideology or criminology. There are better physical idols, you are just masking appreciation for the other two aspects. At the very least, since his arrest, he also dropped in relevancy and the conversation produced by the Manosphere slowed. At least, they had already created their foundation with last year’s middle schoolers so if they find a new later, they might continue to thrive. Realistically, these people are more dangerous than their philosophy as they rape or abuse more women than levels in Candy Crush. Personality wise, Andrew is so dogshit. Like he’s actually annoying to me. No charm, super stoic because he has nothing to say, and can’t even laugh. All he does is mew*. There are clips of Adin begging for eye contact from senpai but Andrew never even seems to even tolerate him. That’s the worst kind of friend. Let’s see what Romania can cook up here considering it is a country with some corruption.

*Mewing is a facemaxxing technique where one would push their lips and tighten their cheeks to appear to have a chiseled jaw line. Facemaxxing is an ancient tradition of maximizing the features of the face. Some people do this with makeup. Mewing would be practiced largely by men in this year (with nearly no women knowing about it) as they tried to find their inner David sculpture. The reason girls don’t know is because they don’t seem to be able to notice signs. Guys will tell each other that they are mewing by putting a silence finger to their lips and then showing off the shape of the jaw. This is seen in many clips on tiktok with the audio “bye bye” in the background. They have still not caught on. With mewing, one must not laugh or even make a face. They must hold the mew until they become like a sculpture themself.

Grimace Shake: according to folklore, the Grimace is a purple blob creature with four arms and a tendency to steal milkshakes. Ronald McDonald possibly cut off two arms as after meeting him, Grimace would legally acquire milkshakes and be a nice guy. Grimace would be turning 52 this year and Ronald decided to celebrate by selling berry flavored milkshakes during the summer. Kids and young adults were well excited! They ran in to store, order the milkshake–all recorded to tiktok–and then drank it gladly. Moments later, the victims would be found mangled and/or dead in strange positions and strange locations. The few that survived were found to be unintelligibly insane. Each victim’s bodily fluids seem to be replaced by a purple fluid that scientists later found to be blood made of hemogoblins. Perhaps it is the Grimace’s blood and he is the prime suspect but since Ronald closed sales, there has been no sight of him. During the sale, Ronald made an estimated revenue increase to $6.5 million. With that, one could estimate exactly how many became victim to Grimace as we do not know. All Ronald could say in response is “meeeeee pretending I don’t see this trend”. For some reason, news media found the trend to be surreal humor while tiktok would note these videos for having sensitive content but this was blood on your hands, Grimace.

Wagner Weekend: last time in the Russo-Ukraini War (2014-2025), the Putinist Russian state was gunning to be the world’s strongest. The Russian and Ukrainian republics were chill for their first years of life, signing several agreements that their borders were practically permanent. That was until Viktor Yanukovych lost his election in Ukraine in 2004 (Halo 2). He could’ve been another good puppet like Belorussia’s Aylaksander Lukashenka. At the same time, Russia was becoming less and less European since Vladimir Putin was adamantly against joining the EU and hated all the other eastern states for doing so. Then, Yanukovych became Ukraine’s President in 2010 (Red Dead Redemption) and so you had these three Rus ‘brothers’: Putin, Yanukovych, and Lukashenka. What could they do? Who could they conquer? Would they prosper? In 2014 (Mario Kart 8), the Ukrainian parliament was heavily leaning in on joining Europe but Yanukovych unilaterally rejected membership. He in fact moved to join the Eurasian pact or whatever. More of an Asian Economic community. His plebs were not pleased. People rose in protest against Yanu who ran to daddy Putin. Parliament then kind of messed up their own situation by removing русский as the national language since they got their native Ukraini. Russian speakers in Ukraine felt disenfranchised (they weren’t) and rose in protest. Ukraine turned into a mess of civil protests while finalizing a nationalization. Knaiz Putin swooped into Crimea that year for a large scale military occupation turned into annexation. Ukrani parliament respected the annexation, losing some of their richest ports although they still had Odesa. Well the whole south and east was not entirely in their control. Especially in the east, the region along the Don River were calling themselves “Novorossya” (the dickriding is crazy) and Putin believed they needed his help. Ukraine would have to activate their military to take down separatists who were overwhelming supported by Russian forces that were coincidentally in the area. This diplomatic motivation of Russia’s is something seen before; with the Orthodox Christians in the Ottoman Empire. Whenever Russia was strong enough, it would intervene on the Ottomans to help the Orthodoxies as much as possible but it would not do it under official war. No, it was a soft power move to disrupt their rival in Asia and potentially gain free land. Shit like this was got so extreme, the Tsars declared they had legal right to protect their religious peers in a different country (which didn’t specifically abuse them). It failed though, with the Anglo-Franco alliance obliterating the Tsardom in the Crimean war. Now, the Asian wannabe-European moves into Ukraine with the same idea that, “Russia could no longer guarantee Ukraine’s status as a state and could possibly intervene if pro-Russian regions of the country appealed directly to Moscow” (cryptic words by the Guardian). With no official declaration of war (there is no war in Ba Sing Sei), Russian troops kept pouring into Novorussia as Ukraine dealt with this Donestki Rebellion. Oh and now President Petro Poroshenko is vehemently against any kindness with the Wintery Swamp of Moscow. Publicly, Petroporo would treat this as a war on terrorism (yo we do that too!) While Putin acted like they weren’t sending troops while also rewarding certain officers for successes. By the end of the year, Petroporo was able to rizz Putin into a ceasefire by offering the Novorus some autonomy although Russia had full influence over the semi-country and it is still generally recognized as apart of Ukraine. But the ceasefire was also just a suggestion, Petroporo and Putin kept shooting at each other on the border. Meanwhile, NATO trained Ukrainian troops but full membership to NATO or Europe seemed to stall. During the Donbas Campaign, “Povar” Yevgeny Viktorovich Prigozhin of Petrograd founded a group known as the Wagner Group. This was a mercenary organization along with his Empire of restaurants, a research company, and advising agency that earned him money. He was also not previously a nobody but Putin’s personal chef. His mercs would start their careers in Ukraine and then score some points in Africa along Russian strategy. A few countries accuse him of crimes and so he has racked up a bounty of $250k. Usopp sweep. Him and his company would comeback to Ukraine in 2021 (Halo Infinite), when Putin couldn’t wait any longer to annex the whole country. I predict Covid did postpone this third campaign for at least a year, vaccines weren’t even everywhere yet but he was ready for a special military operation. Specifically, Putin felt that Ukraine harbored Nazis, it was a failed state, it shouldn’t even naturally exist, it is anti-Russian, yap yap yap. “Bro stop crying and catch this L” replied new president  Volodymyr Zelenskyy as he personally kicked Russian forces out of the ancient city of Kiev/Kyiv. The Bear and the Nightingale fought again across the Dnieper River and the Pontic Steppe. Indeed, Russia was having more trouble than the previous invasion and it seemed like they were the sick man of Asia. It was surprisingly desperate for them this way, if Putin loses, the oligarchs will erase his current dictatorial power and lead the Russian state on their own. They already seem to be in disagreement so a fully oligarchic Russia might look strange. Meanwhile, the Ukrainians have boosted their morale with a complete nationalization, Zelenskyy adopting the personality of an Inspirational Leader, and the threat of their independence on the line. If they win, they might even get a seat in serene Europe. NATO and more specifically the US decided to invest in the Nightingale. If they are able to obliterate #3 of the Big Three without spending a life, it was raw profit. Biden’s so back. Common retarded Americans disparaged at the idea that Ukraine received billions from the US, not understanding that the money was just the value of weapons we sent. And these weapons were old to us but new to Russia and Ukraine. Plus, without having to upkeep these Gulf War Era javelins and such, we make even more profit. Count the scoreboard China, this is why we #1. While Putin threatened nukes (bro be serious), Prigozhin started to ponder on how they could be losing so bad. Well, not only must the military be corrupt but also, Putin has been lying about Ukraine. Buddy. Anyways, as an oligarch himself with a good chunk of power, he decided to hold a rebellion. The Wagner Group would attack Rostov-on-Don (a Russian city theoretically on the Don River) and make their way to Moscow to coup the Bear. Putin sent him some kind of booty call to Belarus (who is technically helping in this war but nobody cares). This immediately halted any coup while Putin announced he would diplomatically solve the problem. On his flight to Belarus, Prigozhin exploded. The helicopter exploded. He died in it. That’s what I meant. Putin was surprised to say the least but this doesn’t really change things for the war. The Wagner Group seemed to be cleanly assimilated into the formal Russian Army. And it’s crazy since there was civil unrest in Moscow since the war was going so bad from the start. If Prigozhin was genuinely interested, he could’ve collected protesters and cooked the capital. He is just not a very good chef. 

Ballinger’s Requiem: Colleen Ballinger is a Millennial theater and comedy performer who has a decently long resume. She also had a persona known as “Miranda Sings” whose gimmick revolved around being an overly confident but bad singer. Miranda’s design was to be overexaggerated so she was always recognizable by the pounds of lipstick on her face or her quirky personality. Miranda and Colleen would both have a Youtube channel with Miranda gaining icon status while the site was still young. Eventually Miranda earned 10 million subscribers, Colleen earned 3 million, and Colleen earned an outstanding 2 million followers on Twitter. She would remain an active and connected celebrity showing up in various tv shows (like Victorious), movies, plays, and conventions. While I never saw a second of her content, I was aware of the name even back then. Now, reports came out that Colleen was unironically inappropriate with a certain demographic in her fanbase. The younger demographic. And it wasn’t just accusations but also screenshots of her in a group chat with younger fans. There was some sexual conversations and otherwise sus comments from her. One member of the chat, Adam McIntyre, also returned to accuse Colleen one more time. Actually, the young man has become somewhat of an opp* of Colleen. During covid, the 17 year old accused her of sending him lingerie when he was younger. This time, he validated the screenshots that were released as more evidence of her bad behavior along with a 2 hour digest of the groupchat. Chat was in an uproar! This twice married woman (with 3 kids) was apparently grooming kids! Chat also remind themselves of previous sins from Colleen where she made fun of Hispanic stereotypes and her generally weird behavior. So Colleen approached the internet with a song. A tune. A lymeric. On to why everyone else was wrong. The only thing she’s ever groomed were her two Persian cats. She was not a groomer. Just a loser. Bars. The song is “Toxic Gossip Train” and it was a much worse earworm than any tiktok sound or Meghan Trianor’s “Mother”. Chat DID NOT like this shit. Some went on to make memes about it, others pointed out how she dodged any responsibility in the matter, and still others considered she should get canceled just for the song. Right now, I’m confused which persona was involved in the making of the song. Also, in an era where chat does not accept any apology from Youtubers, the fact there was none here further hurt her reputation. In any case, she had to cancel the rest of her tours this year and she didn’t return to the Internet for a few months. After the song was released, more evidence was released with this time involving nudes she sent to the minor groupchat. The evidence came from old co-workers who had data to prove that this drama was not just rumors. Adam woke up extra early to corroborate this nude sharing as true. Even Joker and Batman have more relent, but Adam’s not here to play. He has made more videos on her since then as she continues to ignore him. Some part of chat misunderstands that Colleen has now completely ruined her career but if theories are true about Hollywood being a pedophilic stronghold, she’s actually just in the right crowd to keep chugging along. Nobody legally attacked her (which is really the only time Hollywood drops someone) and even if nobody watched her Youtube channel, she still has all those connections she made before. Once again, canceling don’t mean a thing.

*Opp, short for opposition but can also refers to cops, just without the c. Extremely old slang but more recently popular. 

The Supreme Race Theory: the United States has a long history (246 years) of discriminating against groups apart from the English or Protestant base of the country. Blacks, Irish, French, Hispanic, Italian, Catholic, Darkies, Asians, and Negros. But in this age of Humanitarianism, it seemed smart to adopt Affirmative Action for higher education. This ability card allowed previously discriminated groups to be slightly preferred for college admissions which technically discriminates against the white folks. But in all honesty, it isn’t that easy for anyone to get into college with ever increasing tuition and for next to no reward. Millennials would be suddenly trapped by life long debt and so Zoooooomers had to grow up riding on an athletic or artistic talent in order to scholarship their way into college life. All of that just to party in between intense classes when you could get a good paying job from a trade school. There’s most definitely data on how much Affirmative Action improved the general well-being of Americans as it would be better for everyone to get educated and not just the whites. But I won’t look at such data. And the Supreme Court won’t either as they decidedly voted (6 to 3) for a restriction on Affirmative Action measures since it was racial discrimination. Those justices that wanted to equalize the acceptance rate among races were John Roberts, Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett. Although equalize is doing a lot of work in that sentence with blindness to data. But for example, if one college was to fill its last spot from a choice of 4 students (one from each American recognized major races: White, Latino, Black, Asian) then AA might accept the Latino because this is a Wyoming college and it would be cool to have just the one. Without it, the Latino could still win, just based on the other parts of the application. Now I did not get to see too many conversations about this decision so I do not know the consensus. There is one argument that Americans will soon be mixed race enough for AA to be even less than effective but that made me realize another thing. In that time period, everyone will argue they could say nigga and only the pure blacks could gatekeep them. I’ll stick around for this day….