May We Live Forever, Here
King Charles III ‘the Old’ Windsor: son of Elizabeth II, Charlie rose to kingship at the death of his mother last year. She had reigned for 70 years, through an act of God, and thusly Charlie has become the oldest to take the title of king at the age of 73. By the way, Trump is 77 and Biden is 81. But the British king has a lot less power over any anglo than they do over anglos! By the way, the last Charlie ruled after the English Commonwealth centuries ago and he could be called Charles the Restorer. The first Charles was his father who caused the Parliament to rise against him and execute him thus making the Commonwealth. Modern Charles could also be called ‘the Charitable’ for his patronage during his time as the Prince of Wales. Previously, he was married to the beloved Princess Diana Spencer until they split and she fucking died. Now he is married to Princess Camilla Parker Bowles who is now queen. He will be the first king to rule since Brexit, or the British exiling themselves from the European Union. He gets to ‘rule’ in tandem with Rishi Sunak, the first prime minister of Indian descent. He would take his coronation in May and while he was decently celebrated on the streets, nobody cared online.
the Good Doctor Misgenders a Patient: On ABC, there was a show known as “the Good Doctor” which started broadcasting in 2018. It featured an autistic young doctor who joins a hospital completely unlike the one in “General Hospital”. Thank God. Instead, he has to deal with his patients and his savant syndrome (wherein he is good at purely one thing) although he has support from other doctors in his team. Now since inception, the show had been lightly made fun of or at least treated with displeasure due to its execution of autism. But it was never too funny. Until this year. I forget which tweeter but someone had first posted a clip from Season 1’s episode “She” in which Shaun Murphy (the guy) can hardly handle himself around a transfemale patient. This caused other clips from the show to also be posted, out of context, to show other cases of Shaun just being badly written as an autist. Soon, you just had to be annoyed of Shaun and against the characterization. The most infamous one was a clip from Season 2’s “Breakdown” where Shaun had a mental breakdown when trying to beg his job back from the Chief of Surgery, Dr Jackson Han. It was Han’s hard cold stare that entertained twitter for a week as he was getting shouted at by someone way too dramatic. His face also spawned a new meme expression; “when an incel says something so x-phobic you gotta hit them with the Dr Han/Chad stare” such as this example. A wojack* of him would soon be a new variant of the Chad face while Shaun is just the Virgin. Everyone would become Dr Han (and his actor Daniel Dae Kim) stans especially since the character had plenty of drip*. Afterwards, the show would be continued to get dunked on for another few days.
*Wojack coming from the Polish term of soldier, it refers to crudely drawn faces on MS Paint that are used for reaction images. Of course, it spawned from 4chan.
*Drip refers to style or fashion although it can be used interchangeably or in tandem with rizz
Orca Terrorism: At the same time, Tweeters were cheering on the efforts of orca/killer whale attacks on human ships off the Iberian coast. Well, most of the cheering was ironic. Scientists have noticed a surge of interactions between orcas and ships mostly around the Strait of Gibraltar since 2020. Most of the interactions are the whales bumping into or pushing against the boats. Recently though, the orcas have gone and sunk three ships. No one has died! And out of the thousands that sail off Iberia, they aren’t doing much damage. They are losing! But scientists also state that it is probably teenage pranking and roughhousing rather than anything serious as they note that adult males have not been sighted at any instance.
Corn vs Unbaer: another Twitter episode? Corn (@upblissed) is another infamous tweeter that I would consider apart of the ‘Class Clown’ crowd. Him along with Juju (@ayeejuju), Kira (@kiracantmizz), and Jozu (@thatboyjozu) among others were shitposters that were pushed up high by twitter’s algorithm. They would all gain pretty large followings due to the nearly illegal tweets they made or cheap laughs they tried to pull. Theyw ere sometimes lauded for stealing tweets (sometimes from each other) and honestly anyone in their replies was probably just baiting for engagement from them. They were ‘niche internet celebrities’ in the purest definition of the term espeically considering they earn nothing because Dorsid twitter did not any form of paid content. Among the group, Corn is unique for humor based in realism and posting about real life experiences since he actually has those. One of those was fighting against Youtuber Unbaer in at a DAZN show. The two were highly untrained and it showed as chat complained how slowly they moved and the commentators found it an entertaining bobble head match. I think either fought fine and they also threw plenty of speedy punches. Real problem was, Corn gassed himself way too soon and so the judges voted in favor of Unbaer. Corn came back to twitter with his head down after the hype he built up. he would be clowned for the next month. But the two were ready to fight again at the Misfit 008 Show which would be a longer fight of 4 rounds each at 3 minutes. The two both showed better form in this match. Then, during the third round, Unbaer unfortunately allowed for Corn to unleash about three charged forward Smashes that ruined the rest of the fight for him. Bro was lost, you could see it in his eyes. The referee would allow Corn to then continue blasting Unbaer with Kamehamehas for no reason. The craziest part? When this fight happened, I didn’t even see anyone tweet about it!
Ron DeSanctimonious has Blundered the Polls: The Republican Party of the United States has two potential futures. One is leaning harder into the MAGA atmosphere around Trump although he is currently under legal duress. And Trump did not raise a successor with his persona. So the other option is to be a bit more moderate just to win the Presidency for another term. In that effort, certain names have raised up such as the loud but unlikeable Indian Vivek Ramaswamy, the female Indian Nikki Haley, new rival Chris Christie of New Jersey, former VP and new rival Mike Pence, and Ron Desantis of Florida. Now Ronny has been governor of America’s least favorite state since 2019 but has had some power over the state since 2012. The Italian descendent was a graduate of Yale and a Navy soldier who once tortured inmates at Guantanamo Bay. To Florida education, he banned ‘woke’ philosophies such as critical race theory and “Don’t Say Gay” although I have not seen the former strictly enforced. After Trump lost the presidency to the secret art of mail in voting (since he encouraged his people not to do this), Desantis found it smart to restrict mail-in votes in the Sunshine State by making registration yearly and signatures needed to be beyond accurate. During Covid, Florida was not really shut down. Most places were but it was not from the state. Anyways, he complained how difficult it was to send unemployment checks to the everyone who couldn’t work from February to June. By June, the peninsula was back in action and so hundreds died. Thousands. Quick aside, the theme parks hit record high numbers during the Covid saga. In later Coivd, Desantis was just handing out money to law enforcement during his “Fund the Police” campaign. The Walt Disney Company would start a legal conflict with DeSantis after his homophobic laws passed, citing that it disrespected the First Amendment (Freedom of Speech) and so he stripped them of their autonomy. Disney World was one of the few ‘company cities’ left and it carried the swamp’s economy and still does. After the overturning of Roe v Wade (which protected abortion nationally), Desantis pushed for 15-week and 6-week bans on abortions although they are still pending due to the stipulations over rape or incestial abortions. So here you see a perfect retriever dog following every Republican policy without issue and so others saw a perfect candidate. If only it weren’t for his negative rizz in public sighting, which leaves him vulnerable to Trump’s comments such as “Desanctimonious”, and for his mission to be turning America into Florida (anyone’s nightmare) then he might be doing well. At the beginning of the year, he would become a favorite alternative but after Trump dropped that banger, the man almost effectively retired his career. Still, Ronald would announce his candidacy on Muskovite Twitter in a voice call with the worst audio in the world. Even here, he continued to drain the conversation of its energy anytime the others let him talk. THEY SHOULD NOT! Several debates later among party representatives, unfortunately, he is still the favored alternative to an Indian, a woman, and a weaker Trump against the real Trump so we’ll see about next year.
Target Wars: Target is a casual retail business that has sold gay clothing ever since American companies thought they could profit off gay people. They do! This year, I guess, they added transgender outfits and things to their sales floor which incited transphobia from some shoppers. This is just before Pride Month and would continue into it. The raiders came in destroying displays and signs for anything queer, shouting at the workers who have no control of the store, and just otherwise making a ruckus. This was, I guess, more effective than boycotting Target as the company decided to retreat some of the merchandise from display (it would still be sold, obviously). It was possibly the most outrageous these conservatives acted since Jan 6. Maybe. I don’t pay attention.
tdwriter 
