(A Hungry Diet, Part 2)
-the next section of our Marian Rescue Arc, we will finally get to see the inner politics of the Kingdom of Hungry! There will be some embellishing here and there about this specific process but the general idea will get across, about there being political disagreement
-also, you most likely won’t remember any of the names but certain Order members will first meet Sigismund here (not historically) or at least their fathers will. For example, the Miklos Garai throughout this story is the current day’s father.
One week later, the Diet was meeting in Buda, in the grand hall of the royal castle. There was a stage at the front with seats before it arranged like a Greek auditorium. Along the walls were artworks of each Hungarian king from the Árpád Dynasty and currently still being painted were the Anjou kings. Palatine Miklos Garai* sat on the stage on a stool. He waited as every one of the barons and counts sat down. Miklos could look out to see; the dragon slaying Bathory, the count Celje in Slavonia, the Csányi of Zala County, the Csák barons, the Horvats, the duck dynasty Nadasdy, the Nagymartoni from Aragon, the Perenyi, the rosy Révay, the Szécsényi, the young Szilágyi, and the Zichy. There were also members of the Holy 12 Croat families; Čudomirić, Gusić, Kačić, Kukar, Jamomet, Lasničić, Lapčan and Karinjan, Mogorović, Poletčić, Snačić, Šubić, and Tugomirić. Their ancestors had founded Croatia as a country originally and continue to rule it now. There were still lower Croatians like the Babonić, the Frankopan, and the Orehovečki. There were also the Kotromanics of Bosnia and representatives from Serbia, Bulgaria, Wallachia, and Moldavia. The current Voivode of Transylvannia was Ladislaus Losonci who also brought his family. Only due to the fact that they were still in the city that the Luxembourgs were allowed to stay. Wenzel, Prokop, Jobst, Jan, and Sigismund. Jan was much fatter now that he was 12. His brown hair was like a mop on his head.
“Janny, how is Gorlitz? I heard nothing goes on,” Sigismund said.
“Yeah, nothing goes on,” he said, shoving his hand into a basket of Sigismund’s kifli.
“BRO you can’t just take a handful of my kifli.”
“Bro, you have whole basket of it. Calling me greedy.”
“Yeah cause it’s the best food in the world. Get your own.”
“Not that good,” Jan said, not leaving a crump escape his mouth.
“You two shut up, remember what they told us,” Wenzel said. “We don’t have the right to speak in that room.”
Prokop was the younger brother of Jobst. He was tall and blonde, and a bit scrawny compared to his brother and cousins. He smirked, “we can’t be loud right now? Those idiots haven’t seen each other in years. Give them a moment.”
“Ew, Prokop, I don’t want a moment with Jan.”
“Yes you do,” Prokop argued.
“Shut up Prokop,” demanded Jobst.
“Yeah shut up stupid head,” Jan echoed.
Wenzel groaned. The boys were made to wait outside the great hall until everyone arrived. There were a total of 200 families still coming in. Sigismund almost choked on a kifli when he saw a familiar man. “I don’t see any woman to be choking over,” Jan said.
“I wouldn’t choke over a woman!!”
“Oh!”
“No! Unless it was Maria. But look at that cunt right there.”
“Let’s back up. You choking over men?”
“I already corrected myself!”
Wenzel asked, “what’s the problem? Who is that man?”
“I just remember his face. Some stupid name. Probably didn’t even roll off the tongue.”
“Sigismund doesn’t roll off the tongue,” Prokop teased.
“My name rolls perfectly. Anyways, Lajos also gave him magic lessons and stuff. He was important because….”
“Because he was Anjou!” Wenzel exclaimed as he noticed the man’s cape.
Carlo Durazzo Anjou, the Duke of Durres (in Albania) and King of Naples. At 29 years old, he was still quite short with curly brown hair on his head and a big beard. He wore the classic blue French for his tunic and pants, a red robe over that, and then a cape showcasing the Anjou symbols. He was a relative of Lajos, from the Durres branch of the family. He seemed to be dragging his wife, Margarita, through the hall as she looked at the ground. She had light brown hair and sun-bronzed skin. She was twice his height and 7 years his elder. Carlo waved at Sigismund and then walked into the room.
The Luxembourgs were also wearing their own capes of their symbol. It was a blue and white striped background with a red lion standing in the foreground.
Jobst muttered to them, “he made quite the name for himself recently, even I’ve heard of it. Two years ago, Naples was at war again with the Pope and he had solved it by strangling his aunt, the Queen Johanna.”
“Wow that guy sucks,” Jan shouted.
“Shush,” pleaded Wenzel.
“There was something else,” Sigismund said…then he remembered a story Lajos told him. “When I asked him about marrying his daughter.”
Vlad wondered why are we having a flashback in a memory? Sigismund asked Lajos, “is it okay to marry her if she’s a relative?”
“Sure well there’s no other option for you. Everyone in the Caroli are relatives. And you have to marry with us to retain your legitimacy. But it could be worse. At least Maria is a distant cousin. Direct cousins are really really bad, even just for your offspring.”
“Really? Why?”
“God seems to punish the children of direct cousins and siblings with physical deformities and mental disabilities. So mankind, even in the farthest parts away from civilization, will not marry their siblings or direct cousins.”
“Even the backward Rus or the degenerate Muslims and Mongols?”
“Even them and the ugly Africans. They won’t do it unless in the most desperate circumstance. But us Christians do have the Pope. With him serving as a connection to God, he can ask God for a favor to allow for certain cousins to marry. Then the children could be born without any problems. But then, the Pope has to like you too.”
“That’s not likely. Do you know any cousins who married each other? For sure?”
“Ah yes, not long ago…
Another flashback??? A 10 year old Carlo Durazzo came to Lajos in Buda. “I need a woman.”
“Like a wife or just a prostitute? I can’t give you the latter.”
“Obviously a wife.”
“I gotchu. Wait a week, I’ll tell my people to find you some customers.”
And then Carlo came back to see three woman presented to him. They were hidden behind a curtain. “Ask them questions to see who you like the most.”
Carlo was a bit of a weirdo and did not find common ground with any of them. But he was able to feel tension with one of the girls. So Lajos eliminated the other girls, pulling them out of the curtain. The other two were just actresses. Then Lajos pulled the curtain revealing the last girl to be Margarita, at 17 years old. Her face dropped, “COUSIN!?”
“Oh nice, Margarita.”
“Yeah buddy, my people didn’t see too many options in your range so they just brought her.”
“Wow, could you imagine the love of my life was right across the street?”
“NO WAY,” Margarita shouted.
“Relax Margarita, I will get you guys a Papal Dispensation.”
“Were there no other options? I don’t want to marry my stupid baby cousin.”
“Anna Luxembourg is like two. Carlo do you want a two year old?”
“I would like the two of Margarita’s tits in my hands.”
“Wow you’re quick,” Lajos commented.
“EW!”
And the three went to Rome to visit Pope Urban VI. And he automatically gave the dispensation despite the desperate refusal of Margarita.
That’s where Lajos finished the story, “now that I think about it, not my best diplomacy. Margarita could’ve gone to one of the Germans, you know.”
“Uh huh,” Sigismund said, wearing a shocked face.
“But I don’t like Carlo that much anyway. If his family tree links up, it keeps Durres together in one branch that neither Johanna nor I have to worry about. So, see, your case is not the worst possible.”
That’s where Sigismund stopped telling the story to his brothers. “That’s fucked,” Prokop said.
“That’s reality,” Jobst said.
“Gross, our sister Anne could have married that Italian fuckwad,” Jan said. She had married the King of England instead.
Wenzel said, “well if he is Anjou, he may try to claim the throne. But both Hedwig and Maria are already betrothed, there is no opening for him.”
Once everyone had arrived, the guards finally took the Luxembourgs inside. They reminded them that speaking at all would get them kicked out of the room. They were simply observers. They were to sit in the very last row, next to Naderspan, also only allowed to observe. Sat across from Garai on the stage was the Cardinal Demetrius. Then behind them was the king and queen’s throne. Finally, the Anjou girls came out from backstage. They were wearing very ornate dresses along with heels to add to any intimidation. Some of the nobles genuflected while others stared quietly. Sigismund started to chew louder. But then a murmur began as the people recognized the crowns on their heads. Yes, the queen was wearing her usual crown and Princess Hewdig was wearing their crown. But Maria was wearing the king’s crown. And then she sat in the king’s seat. The Queen sat on her seat and the princess on a stool. The murmurs grew louder and louder still. The Luxembourgs simply watched.
Elizabeta took out a magic conch shell and spoke, “silence!” The murmurs took a while to finish. “Silence!” They finished. “It has been decided. Supported by the Kingdom’s native Cardinal and the Palatine, and by me, the Queen Dowager Elizabeta Kortromanic; the Király of Hungary will be Maria Anjou. The First.”
The murmurs returned as a roaring cacophony. Several nobles stood up but the guards aimed their spears. “King? She’s a woman?” Sigismund wondered. It was much too loud for even Jan to hear him. Naderspan held his hands open in confusion, looking at his neighbors.
Elizabeta handed Maria the conch. “Silence! The King speaks now!” The people held their breaths.
“I want to be King of Hungary and a letter has already been sent to the Pope. At the end of the month, Demetrius will be able to crown me officially.” There was a few objections in the crowd but then she said, “you might be confused about the switch but we’re moving away from Austria altogether. So Hedwig will become the King of Poland.” And Hedwig did a silly pose. Maria locked eyes with Sigismund, “and I will complete my marriage with Sigismund, the Margrave of Brandenburg. My love-” and the crowd got far too loud again.
Jan said, “look at you, your face redder than your hair.”
Naderspan fell to his knees, all that torturous time in Krakow wasted!
A Csák dashed to the stage but would be stopped by the Voivode. He held Csák’s hand just before the man was about to pull out a sword. “My king, I will continue to serve under you,” said the Voivode.
“Good, thank you.”
“Have a seat, Csák.” The man returned.
Ivan Frankopan rose, “respectfully, many of us don’t like this. But I will speak for myself. Do you have a penis or some other reason to claim to be a king?” He was a tall square shaped with a slight tan and strong build.
“Yes, the crown,” Maria said.
Elizabeta shouted, “it’s just a title, what do you care?”
“See how the foreigners disparage our customs and traditions,” said Zichy. “The Bosnian queen and her Italian daughters.”
“I’ve only lived in Hungary all my life,” Maria said, “and I can recite our Exodus from the old country if you like. But I want to keep talking to Frankopan. Did you really want to see my penis?”
“No,” he said, scoffing. “It is to be a sure that you are partially related to the Árpád through your grandfather but there are other options than relying on the rule of a women. I mean, how are we to war when you would need a break every month?”
“You are ridiculous. I will have the Palatine and my Sigi at my side.” The people cringed at her nickname. “Anything else? No? To be sure, could everyone who doesn’t want to be my peon rise?”
Out of the 200 families, 180 rose. Elizabeta took the conch, “you are willing to give the villagers of Hungary another disastrous succession war because you don’t want Maria and Sigismund, a legitimate royalty, as kings? You are a people estranged from reason!”
Frankopan responded, “King Lajos had to have had a male relative. If there is none, then we could accept Maria but…Sigismund. Why?” Sigismund was about to scream but Jobst and Wenzel immediately covered his mouth.
“What’s wrong with a German?” asked a Saxon noble.
“I’m not sure he would be concerned with Hungary. He’s Margrave of Brandenburg first,” Frankopan admitted.
Then rose Ivan Horvat, the Ban of Macva. He was a pale man standing at a decent height with a balding head and clean face. “Frankopan, if you had done your research, I wouldn’t have to make you look a bit foolish right now.”
“In what universe could you make me look foolish?”
“In this one. I just foreshadowed that.”
“Continue!” Elizabeta commanded.
“Well actually, I invited such a relative of our late King. King Carlo Durazzo of Naples.” He pointed to his side where Carlo rose. Some of the Hungarians grumbled and sat in their seats.
“Not another Neapolitan” said someone.
“We’ll be back to square one with a Naples union” said another.
“I could never serve a king shorter than me,” said a count on stilts.
“He’s already married it looks like.”
“Isn’t Durazzo the man who strangled his aunt??”
“I met Durazzo a few years ago. He’s stupid but he won’t get Hungary in trouble.”
“I’ll be able to set up shops in Durres!”
“I’ll never serve that man,” said the Voivode.
“Yeah Booooo! Booooo!” went Princess Hedwig.
“Relax, y’all,” Durazzo said. “I came because of the death of my greatest uncle and then the Horvats informed that I had a claim. But I do not mean to usurp a rightful king…….” he closed his eyes. And then he opened one with a smirk, “unless?”
“Perhaps,” Frankopan said.
“Do you have a penis!!?” Hedwig shouted.
“I don’t think so!” Maria shouted.
Ivan smirked, “just ask his wife.” Margarita shook her head, her eyes still affixed to the ground. The Diet broke into laughter.
“Ridiculous ridiculous,” Elizabeta shouted, rising from her seat. “You have all made this far too ridiculous.” Maria tapped her and then received the conch shell.
“Partisans? Do I see any Partisans? It sounds like not everyone even likes Durazzo, Frankopan? Maybe this Diet will vote between us.”
“Don’t say maybe,” Elizabeta warned her, too late.
Garai spoke from his conch, “the king did not mean to suggest an active vote would be started. Do not choose sides, even if you don’t want Maria as King.” A letter would be passed from the door guards to the ones at the stage. Then handed it to Garai. “Ah, some letter from the Poles.” The people sat back down and relaxed. “Good thing we are currently gathered. The Mazovian Duke, Siemowit, has occupied Krakow since the Sejm is asking for a king.”
Elizabeta immediately said, “we can send Hedwig in a few months.”
“And he asks for the hand of Maria or Hedwig in marriage.”
That cunt! Thought Sigismund. “That cunt,” Elizabeta said standing.
“Should we even consider the proposal?” asked one lord.
“Well Hedwig is already younger than Maria. I’ve heard Siemowit has reached 30 years.”
“Hey he’s Piast too, he may cause Poland to stray from us.”
Frankopan agreed, “Poland should be our peaceful ally in the north. That way only the south and east bothers us. But to be honest, he may never attack us even as Poland becomes neutral.”
“Well I don’t wanna marry him. I don’t know him!” Hedwig said.
“Queen, is the response a simple rejection of the proposal? His letter also states he controls Kujawy and Maloposka. Only Wielkopolska supports him.” Garai explained. He magically made a copy of Siemowit’s letter for their own records.
She was still standing and she shook her head. She gestured to Maria, “your address.”
Maria stood, “yes, listen my fellow Hungarians. We Anjou have been able to further legislate and Christianize this kingdom under the will of God. I will keep up the legacies of father and my grandfather so don’t be afraid! I will not simply seize titles or enforce tyranny in the countryside. Hungary will still be seen as a strong nation by foreigners and I will ensure our land remains rich in produce! Even if I was born with a penis, I will do nothing differently as your king. Believe in me!” The Voivode cheered and some joined him.
Elizabeta shouted, “now rise if you would serve King Maria!” And quite a number rose although some were hesitant. “Good, now gather some armies. A buffoon occupies Poland as a Pretender. I know you Hungarians like to war so we will obliterate him!” And there was a raucous roar.
“War? That’s all I wanted to hear,” quietly stated Csák.
Now as people started to leave the Diet hall, Sigismund jumped out of his seat and flew across the room with the levo spell. He flew around into the hallway that the royal family went down. There, Garai grabbed him by the leg, “Luxembourg! You rascal, a movement like that could’ve made the guards kill you.”
Sigismund looked back, still floating, and tried kicking at him. “They could never kill me, God would intervene. Let me go, Palatine.”
“Listen, this is not a great first impression. But if you intend to truly marry Maria, I want to let you know, I do not mind you or your family. Don’t do anything crazy when I let you go.” He let Sigismund go and the boy kept flying through the hallway. When under the levo spell, one can only move in a similar swimming fashion as if they were underwater. He made it to the end of the hallway where the girls stopped and saw him. Maria and Sigismund hugged.
“Yoooo big cuz!” Hedwig cheered.
Then Maria and Sigismund were suddenly pulled apart. Sigismund in fact crashed into a wall. Elizabeta lowered her hands. She just used telekinesis? “Relax, German. She’s not nearly your wife and is still my child. Permission will be needed to touch her.”
“That was kind of just a hug,” he said, rubbing the back of his head.
Elizabeta telekinetically tossed him down the hall. Her daughters watched in shock. “Do you want to be the King of Hungary?”
“Yeah-”
“Then go with the other forces to defeat Siemowit. They will leave by the end of the month.”
“Sure but-”
“And you are no longer allowed to speak to either of my daughters. Palatine, take him away!”
Garai grabbed Sigismund again but Sigismund crawled at the ground. “Maria! I just wanted to say,” but Elizabeta already pushed her daughters past the door and closed it. Yet, he shouted, “I SHALL RETURN FOR YOU!”
Maria covered her face to hide her smile as her mom kept her moving elsewhere.
Outside the castle, on a hill under a tree, Sigismund met his brothers. He walked up the hill downtrodden, his arms slumping and his eyes fixed on the grass. Wenzel started, “Sigismund, you are going on that campaign. We are too, we’ll bring some forces as soon as possible, since they want to leave at the end of the month. But I entrust the defeat of Siemowit himself with you.”
Jobst continued, “the only problem is that you haven’t been to Brandenburg so recruiting people there may be difficult and take too long. You should find allies here in Hungary, notably those nobles that supported you. Prokop was quick enough to make a rough list.”
“Sigismund, we’ll start tomorrow, meeting with these men so you can be at the head of their armies. Especially for when we return to Hungary, their retinue following you would be impressive.”
Sigismund took a moment but then raised two fists into the air, “OKAY!”
tdwriter 