Croatia’s Strongest
On the coast below the Castle, the Adriatic waves danced back and forth. Ivan Palizna pointed his halberd at his opponent. Butko Kurjakovic, stared back flexing his muscles. Palizna was previously just a monk at Vrana although he liked to compete in strongman competitions and so eventually everyone in Croatia knew him as the Warrior Monk. So Bebek had given him the Banate during the lack of a strong central government. Then there’s Kurjakovic, a member in Croatia’s holy 12 families, which rose in governmental influence with the rise of the Anjou dynasty. Although it had been a slow start, it was helped by Kurjakovic connections with Venice. Now Butko, head of his family, stands here to champion Sigismund.
At the drop of a hat, the two launched at each other. Kurjakovic blocked Palizna’s halberd with his arm against the beam and then punched Palizna a couple feet back. Palizna turned around, sweeping Kurjakovic’s legs with a swing and then brought the halberd down toward his neck. Kurjakovic chomped at the halberd, stopping it. Palizna struggled there, continually trying to push it down to kill him. Kurjakovic held his place strongly, straining his neck so much tears were forming in his eyes. Finally, Palizna quit, pulling his halberd back and jumping away. Kurjakovic got up and dusted himself off.
Palizna said, “Butko, it’s just no good for you. You’re far too low in the rankings to impact me. This fight will end shortly.”
“The rankings? We both would’ve been generals if the situation was normal.”
“Not army rankings! The scale of power in the Carpathians! Obviously when King Lajos was alive, he would be in the Alpha Tier along with Emperor Karel and King Casimir! Then in the Beta Tier would be the Voivode Losonci as he unfortunately proved to me recently. I would also have Tvrtko, Prime Szesci, and myself in the Beta tier. In Gamma comes the likes of timid Count Losonci and Horvat. Below that in Delta could be the likes of Siemowit, Sigismund and the other Luxembourgs. Durazzo’s Chevaliers also belong here. But you, Butko, you’re all the way down in Epsilon tier!”
“Did we not spar evenly just now?”
“You’re matching me on the day that I’m still injured and woke up with sniffles.”
“What the fuck??” Kurjakovic charged at Palizna.
“Fight me when I’m fully healthy and you won’t be able to touch me!”
Kurjakovic pounced at him but Palizna jumped over this and knocked the back of his head before landing casually. Kurjakovic’s face buried into the ground but his feet kept moving and he rose up again. He grabbed a boulder, bigger than him, and chucked it at Palizna. Palizna swung his halberd like a hammer shattering the rock into many pebbles. But right behind it, Kurjakovic punched him into the sky. Palizna landed on the side of a cliff.
Palizna rubbed his face and said, “I remember when I used to be as low tier as you are. It was the same time I was suckling on my mom’s teat.” Kurjakovic put his hand on his chin and started to think. “And a rock like that is Thursday’s opening exercise. If that was your best move, you’re much much lower than I ever thought.”
“LIAR! The rock left a bruise on your forehead!”
“It did not!” Palizna leaped Kurjakovic like a human arrow. “I’ll come closer to give you a better look!”
Kurjakovic dodged the strike and slapped Palizna across the rocky beach. Then Kurjakovic shouted, “BAN IN NEED OF CLARIFICATION!” Palizna rose with a questioning face. “I could take your little insult two ways. First, to upscale myself. If you only recently stopped sucking on your mother than I have nearly caught up to you! But then there’s the other way where you are stupidly implying you have my strength at the age of 2. LIAR! So I will concur with the former, being a compliment. Thank you Ban Palizna!”
“You’re loud and stupid, that was NOT a compliment!”
Kurjakovic suddenly rushed at him but Palizna easily dodged. Huh? Kurjakovic kept racing until he reached the cliff wall and punched it heavily. The earth shook and the cliff immediately collapsed into a landslide. Kurjakovic turned around and slowly returned as huge rocks from the cliff fell to his side. “Surely you could repeat this feat with the other wall.”
“In my sleep.”
“But you said you’re sick and old and injured so…”
“So I will repeat it.”
Palizna raced to the other side of the beach and punched that wall. It was the side holding the castle and the castle sunk into the ground a bit as rock below fell upon Palizna at the bottom. Palizna turned around saying, “there-” before receiving an uppercut sending him a mile into the air from Kurjakovic. Kurjakovic dusted his hands saying, “this guy’s a real retard!”
Kurjakovic returned to the middle of the beach where Palizna also swam back to after falling into the water. Palizna removed his clothing and started peeling at his bandages. “It’s no good that I exposed my wound to the sea water. Medicine men say sea water is too salty to drink and so imagine how worse it is for my organs to automatically absorb it.”
“So fix yourself, I am ever so merciful.” Palizna removed the wet bandages and applied new dry ones. He equipped a new robe and Kurjakovic then immediately shoulder checked him back into the ocean. “Whoops, I tripped,” he walked off.
Palizna returned to land. “Is your pride hurt because of my words? But sticks and stones can already break a man’s bones, how weak are you really? Words are supposed to be ignorable.”
Kurjakovic returned to the pile of fallen rocks he made earlier. Now he started to chuck each and everyone one in quick succession. Palizna equipped his halberd and broke each one, one after another. This is so many! How much will he keep throwing until his stamina expires? And while Palizna wondered about that, Kurjakovic jumped in between the rocks and grabbed the halberd. Then he kicked the surprised Palizna away. As the not yet arriving rocks crashed upon his strong build, Kurjakovic shattered the halberd. Then he burst out of the rubble and punched at Palizna who narrowly dodged. The ground Kurjakovic punched became a sinkhole. He chased after Palizna who kept jumping back.
Palizna shouted, “hold on! Was that siege all for destroying my weapon!?”
“I forgot all of my weapons in Poland so this will make it more fair.”
“You-”
Kurjakovic caught up, “now it will be hand to hand, Loptica do lopte.”
Kurjakovic punched his face and Palizna punched his jaw. Kurjakovic to his chest and Palizna hitting his shoulder, dislodging it. To lodge it back in, Kurjakovic shoulder checked him and then followed up with a drop kick. Palizna leaped over this and wrapped his arms around Kurjakovic before body slamming him backwards. Kurjakovic grabbed Palizna and body slammed him there. They then got low and began fully wrestling, throwing each other against the various cliffs. Eventually, they didn’t have the energy to wrestle and began just boxing each other in the face. Left, right, left right. Boom! Kurjakovic fell to the ground.
Wearily, Palizna stood over him. “You see, there’s a caste in all fields of life. The best faith is in Jesus Christ, the second best is at least belief in the one True God, and the worst is those Tengri. For races, the best is Croat and Magyar and then perhaps the Frank and then next is the German until eventually you reach the worst, the Mongol. Even in politics, the king is the best and then his viceroys and then his dukes and counts. I am Croatia’s best, Butko. Ivan Palizna! I will be remembered forever and you, forgotten.”
“C-come close. I…can’t hear you…”
“Butko…” Palizna kneeled right next to his head and leaned in. “I beat you! From the castle of your ancestor, I beat you-” and Kurjakovic headbutted Palizna, rising off the ground. Palizna fell on his back. Kurjakovic raised his foot.
“Liar,” and slammed his foot in Palizna’s face, flattening it like a tomato. And that’s how Butko killed the Durazzo’s Ban of Croatia.
tdwriter 