Gossip Girl: the Yakirisu Saga

Breakdown Breakdown Arc

The Toledo War. Hazel leaving in exchange for Ultima. Fadel cheating with Emerome. Ultima editing for Yaki. The Birthday Party. These would be the dominos that could lead to the Grand Excommunication of Yakirisu on May 31st-June 1st. That birthday party drama would’ve never happened without 1/17. But then we need to get back to Ultima, he’s the one that let’s the voice of love take him higher and the joy of love give him an answer. Last time I said he wasn’t argumentative because he’s timid but this time I’ll give him credit that he tried to end things in the most peaceful way possible.

The “saving the cat” thing can kind of be skipped. Ultima says he was never offered a repayment for saving Lasagna but Ruby states it was taken off his rent bill but it kind doesn’t matter. They all lived in poverty together whether the cat lived or died.

Now we get to the new house discussion, whenever Yaki returned home from LA. Actually most information of this comes from Ruby’s perspective. He’s been living here basically as long as Ultima was and while he strongly aligns himself with Yaki in the house, Ruby never has a problem with Ultima. So I’m a bit disappointed that Johnny and then Chat decided to discredit Ruby’s doc just because of romantic relations. Realistically, I need as much information as possible to hate Yaki.

So Yaki is probably the one who brings up buying a new house with more space so that noise was less of an issue. Yaki still has a mortgage on the current place they are living at but she’s a bit richer from streaming the last few months. She hasn’t needed to lean on Nathan at all in 2023 and probably has some new fans from Alphapolis. The new house, which would be the perfect abode for her ambition, would lead her closer to achieving Perfectionism. Maybe this is the rhetoric she used to present it but what did Ultima and Ruby have to say? Ultima was super on board, as soon as he could get his dad’s support. Ruby? They fucking shattered wondering if they could ever help pay for the house with all of their nerd bills. Ultima reassured him, “we are a team”. Yaki and Ultima agreed to cover Ruby’s cost at the new house. So Yaki’s dream was within sight.

Now there’s an argument from the couple that Yaki can’t just get a second mortgage so this new house would have to be in Ultima’s name. That’s why Ultima would need his dad’s financial advising, but his dad rejected the offer upon hearing Yaki also didn’t want to co-sign which would make Ultima the sole owner. Ultima doesn’t make that kind of money and it would actually give freedom to Yaki at ditiching at any time. So to be honest, I can’t tell if the convo continued if his dad wasn’t paying squat. This would seem to be a two days conversation and then nothing else. It shouldn’t be a main plot line in the doc, right? Also, from this perspective, I don’t know where Fadel and Chat got the idea that she manipulated or forced the thing on him at all. Like it’s a simple “can’t do” right?

Also, there’s really only two ways she could’ve ‘manipulated’ him, with incredible inspiring charisma or blackmailing intimidation. But neither would work on his father who lives in real life. It’s a simple “can’t do” without her co-sign. But its ridiculous, so far she’s convinced like 4 other dudes to deliver on things they somewhat regret later on with just intimidation? That’s why they seem more shy to me. Funny enough, if she was a nicer person, I would just call it charisma.

Now we have the issue of the second video Ultima was making. From Ruby’s perspective, Ruby helped Yaki cut up the full stream so that Ultima could further edit that into a video that would break the internet. It still seemed that there needed to be a voice recording that Yaki had to do and didn’t finish till like five days later. That whole time, Ultima was hesitant on making any noise which does fucking suck. I’ll say she was uncharacteristically in the wrong here as she should’ve had more determination to finish the recording sooner than 10 fucking 30 at night. That goes against my headcanon of her being ambitious, how sad. She might’ve been stressed from recording it because there’d be no other reason to amp her up before telling Ultima to shut up so rudely. Whatever she said made him feel inhuman. No other detail though.

But let’s expand on the inhumanity. If this kid Ulitma came and told me (imagine we’re at work) that his roommate was always complaining about his noise and car, then I’d literally just tell him to work around her. I’d say it as “just be quiet bro” which doesn’t sound helpful lmao. But there’s nothing for me to really solve there, you know? But if he comes back like 4 months later and really describes the interactions as inhumane because of the repetition, then yeah I’d console him. I’d also still optimistically try to give him advice on a compromise rather than trying to dominate her. It is strictly horrible she dehumanized him to basically a chihuahua (hate those demons with a passion) and so it’s more believable she did the same to Hazel. By the way, it is truly the repetition of it. One rude command is still rude but basically forgettable. Your three layers may ignore it. But repetition will cause the mental layer to remember and the physical layer may take the command like a robot. Just immediately silencing before the grand supreme master. This is where the soul feels a lack of free will as certain personality traits would have to be sacrificed to achieve the silence Yaki needs. So at this point, it isn’t pussy shit but cause for Ultima to go to war.

Jacob has admitted, that some point in the last couple of months, he dropped Ultima from editing since he seemed slow on work. We know now that Ultima was burnt out but Yaki seemed to still trust him here unknowingly. So there’s two choices: 1) tell Yaki what’s up and potentially face her wrath or 2) tell Fadel so his frustrations are vented out and he can feel better. 1 may not even be that bad but she is very intimidating. 2 is bad only because Fadel is potentially as toxic as Yaki.

His convo with Fadel is actually kind of one sided, like Fadel doesn’t start pushing him until halfway through. This time he just might be the master manipulator. Hearing all of what Ultima is hearing, Fadel decides to validate his feelings by saying Yaki is just using him, he’s just a bitch, and he’s just a stepping stone for her. There is reason for Fadel to say such things, but its also just pessimistic in my opinion. It doesn’t really console Ultima if he needed it. Fadel also continuously suggests Ultima to leave even in a rude way since he’s the victim and owes Yaki nothing for all the atrocities. If this advice passed, Ultima would’ve treated Yaki much more harmfully then he wanted/needed to in order to end the situation. But he doesn’t get manipulated into that because Ultima is simply not listening to Fadel. Lmao. Like yeah he’s reading the responses and replying on point but he doesn’t get confused by Fadel’s words and has his own plans of leaving as politely as possible. Fadel really isn’t even a minor manipulator lmao. One last thing, Fadel agrees to a literal coalition to help liberate Ultima as if he isn’t just going back to his dad’s place. He is a true believer in the hype of the internet.

With scenario 1, if he like fully broke down in front of Yaki or even somehow had Jacob proctor the conversation, I still think it would’ve potentially gone better. There was nothing that would make him stay at the house (since he wanted to move back to his dad but still help Yaki pay the bills) but at least she could understand his honest feelings. She might’ve acted the same way as in her doc, apologetically unaware of her torture, or she could’ve been more defensive. Then this would be another event we at Chat would never learn of unless Aruuu-Fadel wanted to blow it up. Just like 1/17 and 4/6 actually. Also if Fadel never formed the coalition, this is basically what happened already. Ultima was not fully honest in his letter of resignation–causing her to double check their relationship–but effectively he did not try to go to war.

Back to believing the hype and abstractions, there’s this rhetoric in Fadel’s and Aruuu’s docs that Yaki would be able to use Jacob’s name against them and Ultima. After this whole expose, Jacob is disgusted by the concept and naturally he wouldn’t have done anything. It’s like taking Kim Jong Un’s nuke threats seriously back in 2017. He says he had nukes but the best we’ve seen, Japan suffered worst. Instead, she might’ve tried to potentially isolate Ultima from Alphapolis but I don’t think she’s old enough in the group to effectively do this. Jacob’s known him longer so I was confused on making this conclusion. Maybe just her overall clout from being with Jacob would make her seem like the wholesome person when she out’s Ultima as a bad guy. Unfortunately, this idea confuses clout for reputation, which for Yaki isn’t the best even before the war. Even if chat was unaware, there have been several creators we’ve seen up to this point who have bad news with Yaki. She’s a known gossiper in her friend group. Ultima would’ve overcome her if he needed to, so I don’t know why he’s also scared. It might just be the intimidation she brings face to face.

Speaking of gossip, this is an interesting point the girls make on 1/18. They wonder if they should tell Emerome about their thoughts on Fadel and then decided they aren’t “messy” enough for it. I want to beg to differ but I don’t know them personally. A few months later, there’s enough gossip flying around and rumors phasing in and out that speculation from Fadel-Aruuu have to suspect Yaki. They just have to, she is a common offender. And this is why you shouldn’t gossip, when you’ve become the source of so much “BIG NEWS” then people gotta mischaracterize you for shit you haven’t done. That’s karma. From Aruuu’s perspective, there’s at least some confirmation that Yaki specifically broke alliances between some of her friends but then I couldn’t consider them real friends.

Moving back to real life, Ultima waited for Yaki to return home so she could get a new car since her old one is beyond repair. It would be a used car it seems, she’s not on Captain Sparklez’s level yet. Ultima then returned to Krypton on the 25th. She was probably caught off guard when Ultima said he wanted leave since she thought they were healthy friends (self unaware). It seems Ultima still wasn’t fully honest here as he says he simply wants to do his own thing and she comes away not knowing how burnt out or abused he felt. It would be a bombshell but its still best to reveal that here or even earlier. Not even to get an apology, but it would be to make sure there’s no baggage for the next time you guys see each other. Cause imagine the awkwardness of seeing her at some Jacob event and she’s like “sucks you moved away” and now you have to tell her “well at least I’m not getting abused anymore!” lmao. But humans are not optimal! My argument is just borne from the idea that I could’ve lived the rest of my life happily not needing to document any of this if it didn’t explode. Ultima leaves cooly.

A crazy timed clip from Jacob IV Rabon

One thing that’s helped me keep these people really abstract (and thus have no real empathy for them) is thinking of this in EU4 terms. EU4 is a map game, basically like Risk but 1000 times more complex. It’s crazy fun but don’t play if you have a life. A coalition in EU4 is so annoying. It happens whenever you conquer too much territory in a certain continent. Other nations in your vicinity will get really mad and then band together so that the next time you want to expand, they will stop you with 1 million troops. The strategy is just to wait maybe a decade so they forget about it and disband. If you feel stronger than them, you can just declare war on them to break it which does feel satisfyingly.

Maybe against the game rules, Fadel-Aruuu were still gathering the coalition even though Yaki wasn’t expanding anymore. No new house and no new collab. Then boom! The 31st, they fire off to war. Yaki quite literally only has Ruby to defend her. Realistically, Aruuu is able to oneshot Yaki’s duchy. But otherwise, everyone Yaki defeated previously is now united to give her an ultimate beatdown of ultimate destiny. Half a dozen stories come out in earnest and her Diplo Rep drops by 5 point. Her overlord, Jacob, doesn’t even respond thusly cutting off ties. She finds no manpower from her Chat and (according to Social Blade) starts running a deficit on Twitch. The battlefield of Twitter would also come to betray Yaki’s long time reliance of the platform. The war is quickly finished. Unanimously Yaki is decided toxic and Ultima wholesome. He retweeted other peoples stories but he really ain’t know shit was going on lmao. 60 Michigan to 6 Ohio, Ohio takes the win this time. Lithuania to Turkey, the former loses once more.

What did we learn? Ultima is a damn good strategist but has silly allies. I feel dissatisfied whenever people do little exposes in twitlongers and the like if its not evil demonic illegal shit. But of course if it was a real crime, I wish they’d trouble us with the court case rather some interweb drama. Oh now I have to pretend to care about some people for a day, bleh. There was a quiet minority in Chat that argued that this seemed privately resolved, so why did it have to go public? Well that’s my whole narrative, this is not an Ultima story, this was beef between two gossip girls finally getting cooked. Aruuu finally got back at Yaki for claiming Fadel cheated and for possibly excluding her on Izzy’s birthday.

Sean Gaiden

If you read my Yakigate, you see there’s this rando Sean that kept getting mentioned without having a central arc. That’s cause he didn’t have a specific interaction with her but was rather the target of a completely unnecessary obsession of Yaki’s. An obsession I would consider the most evil thing she has done (yet still not a crime I know of, fuck) and it seemed undertalked about. I mean I guess its hard to make memes about it.

Sean is a commissioned artist on Twitter. Before Covid, he ended up in a bad downward spiral that caused him to slow down on commissions and then of course he didn’t have money so he had to ask for it online. I don’t use ‘begging’ here, even if someone else could, because it was infrequent and it was like incredibly normal posts. Like sharing a link to the “buy me a coffee” app or trying to sell some possessions he had.

For whatever reason, Yaki would notice this. Maybe its because she stopped streaming, now she had more screen time. She was also still at her parent’s house, 18, and dating Hazel. So she found one of her twitter friends’ acting poor online (God forbid) and started taking screenshots to compile the tweets in a doc. They were just pasted there with no captions and his old twitter name in the title. They weren’t even in chronological order, sloppy. She seemed to do this spontaneously as the document was created in Feb 2020 and most of the first captures are recent from that point. But then she came back later on after digging in his account to add more. I don’t know if she knew of his situation but just doing this alone is fucking weird.

So Hazel would reveal this to Sean on June 1st (me thinks) and send him the doc. Apparently she was supposed to upkeep the doc on her own Google which is so silly. You collect all of these images and then put it on your girlfriend’s Google? That’s crazy, hmm. That would be crazy if.

Anyways, Hazel apologizes to Sean and Sean finally realizes why there has been rumors about his work and money ethic during Covid. Yaki had just been dropping this doc as reason to certain people who wanted to use him for artwork. THAT SO EVIL. He’s not even in her industry, she doesn’t draw she’s a talker. They weren’t even super close and he doesn’t owe her anything. Wtf lmao.

I will say, reading though the screenshots, its not like I wouldn’t have still hired him or something. They aren’t convincing on the possibility that he sucks at art, you know? So unbeknownst to him back in 2020, he’d start losing customers and trust as if his Diplo Rep had been shot. This worsened the spiral to the point he was living in incredibly bad conditions and didn’t always get work even in real life. But things got better! And he’s got a new account so I assume his rep restarted or something.

Still this is diabolical and there was no gain from it. Like what the fuck Yaki? None of our prior psychoanalysis answers to this. And this is “messy” as hell. I’d understand it if you were like a hater. I’ve recently been rewatching Kim Possible and her bully character Bonnie is such an obsessed hater, its obnoxious. But at least they are both cheerleaders and stuff. You didn’t even know Sean like that. Man this cold blooded, cruel as can be. The crime here is Dick Riding but not even to a person richer to her, damn. Also, as dogshit as Fate is, if he was wasting money on that, its not your problem? I bet she loves Fate. Luckily no one has screenshots of her begging for money. Right? Oh. Nathan. I’m so sorry. You were good all along.

Across the Yakiverse

Yay we finished this is the last segment hooray. Ignoring her final sin, she is an otherwise normal person with issues stemming from not being self aware and from gossip.

If I were to describe “Yakirisu” Mary from these findings I would say; she’s ambitious, she wants a lot out of life. She doesn’t mind using others to achieve such things because those things are really cool and she’s actually unaware of the harm others might suffer. In her effort to achieve things, she’s picky to the point of perfectionism. Because she wants it so bad, she’s developed Colors of Conquerors allowing her to intimidate others to her will even against their best interest. This could simply be considered charismatic if she wasn’t also confrontational, aggressive, and direct. She may take too much charge at times and yet she’s not the most clear manager. She is a careful friend, wanting to protect her precious girlies and making sure there is equal give and take in her relationships (ironically nobody has tried to use her as much as she uses others). From the Alpharad Gold episode, I know she relies on dumb bits and jokes for content. Her worst quality is the obsessiveness. Keeping track of Sean’s economy, Fadel’s dating life, and all sorts of rumors. She is the type to become the Infinity Gauntlet of gossip. But anyone can be obsessed, it’s the willingness to sharing such bad juju. Next, she’s spontaneous but can also get harmfully determined toward her goal. She’s also hella loud, (everyone can hear you, okay?). She’s also vulnerable to anxiety, which will raise her own emotions and make her less controllable until you’re Aruuu. That’s all 360 degrees of Mary!

Well I don’t honestly think it’s every degree but its the best we got the most I usually see. Jacob did have a short stream to serve as his reaction to all the exposes and he was disappointed to say the least. He states the silence of everyone in Alphapolis (who might have more things to say) comes from their mourning of losing a friend. It feels like the Mary they knew died. He wants to remove himself from her because of the pattern of bad habits and that’s fine. From his POV, he really didn’t know any of this was happening. He remembers times when she would tell him about someone, but he hadn’t thought that was gossip and instead just venting. I wonder if it wasn’t both. She seemed like a caring person if not also a dumbfuck (as voted by Alphapolis).

Okay two last things. This was a Capone Moment really. Al Capone is this Italian who ruled the streets of Chicago with his mob bossery. For years nobody could do anything about his corruption and crimes until they simply caught him on tax evasion. Years of killing, starving, and robbing folks, and it’s fucking taxes that put him in jail. I don’t even think they could charge him for other stuff until they start like a new investigation. Anyways, that’s what I consider a Capone Moment, getting caught for the weakest or maybe lesser important crime you committed among others. Donkey through the eye of a needle shit. Yaki’s actual (social) crimes include Domestic Abuse, Tyranny, Scam (not guilty), 3 counts of Bad Administration, Transactional Friendship, Overly Critical, Gossip, Exclusion, Threats of Blackmail, Downward Dick Riding, Bad Roomate and Vtubing. No I can put that last one on the list. But all of this and there’s a coalition just cause she’s a bad roommate. You get my disappointment now? There was no big bad or master manipulator.

There was no peace treaty from the coalition so it was more of an invasion rather than a war. Still, usually, the toxic loser has to lose a few weeks from the Internet rather than the real life version of losing territory since the net is intangible. She originally seemed to stay away from the net for a full two weeks. I checked her Twitch channel and she scheduled a stream for the 16th but it does not seemed to not have happened. I have been waiting a full month for her second response and nothing. Stupidly it seems she will not stream for awhile out of fear of Chat judging her to be a bad friend. At the same time, Social Blade shows she lost over 2000 followers over the last month. I purely think this is because she has not streamed since the coalition. People don’t see you online, they might not even ask why and just unfollow you. Then there’s other people who are unfollowing because of the war and yet the decrease has been slow and steady. Every week, after a few challenging battles in Hyrule, I check hoping she made some kind of response to Sean, the others, or the situation as a whole. Yaki hasn’t even logged on to like any tweets. I do predict that if she did come back–and acted the slightest bit fake–she’d lose half her fans. Of course, it’s up to their judgement on how fake she is. I still think it’d still be worth it to come back, apologize, and move on like the others did. The winning party just went back to streaming and tweeting like nothing happened. If she does respond soon, then it will be documented here on the next page although it will have everyone’s reactions.

At least if the coalition was riding on Sean instead, then such a loss would feel more equivalent to me. I would be mad with you guys. Also since they decided to make hating her public, I wish they made that part entertaining as entertainers. What happened to creators dropping mixtapes or something cool and funny? They could’ve gathered their stories in a group chat and then made a banger but noooooo let’s make it all dramatic. Streamers can’t do shit right. That’s why I added the lessons because this could at least be informative if not entertaining. Not that you have to be super scrupulous all of the time but hopefully those lessons guide you to making good relationships and keeping them. If you’re in a position like Ultima, do like him and realize what your limit is.

A final judgement, this all stems from the main 3 protags and some others not having friends or drama in high school or even college. They couldn’t have had, they would’ve grown past this. That’s when your supposed to be a petty piece of shit so you can learn all the lessons we’ve learned in each story. I wrote those lessons cause if this wasn’t entertaining, then it should be at least informative in case you are in any similar position. Maybe you don’t have to be super scrupulous in your relationships, but be a bit more aware and then act on it. At least Yaki acting dumb can tell you what not to do. Then you’d be able to function as an adult at 26 and never experience this such as most people. I’m at the end and I’m mad I had to go through this. Thank you for reading.

–Mary’s an animal, sick as they come. Taste of a cannibal, ontop of her tongue

–She’ll fill with you lvoing and then drink out your blood. She’s trying to kill me, but I just want your